The planner in me struggles with uncertainty. Several plans in my life did not work out. Despite the uncertainty, the circumstances did create interesting possibilities and opportunities. In most cases, the failure or challenge was necessary to change my perspective and my actions.

I reflected on times when plans did not work out and I had to look for opportunities.

The first major panic attack recall moment was my final exam at University. Everything was in place to start working in Stellenbosch the following year, but then I failed one of my majors! My dad was called to help. Despite his own work problems, he had to take leave and take me back to Bloemfontein for an oral exam. He had to motivate and support his eldest who was in great panic. Support has traditionally been my mother’s role. He went to buy chocolates while I wrestled with Company Law and Auditing Statements.

The oral did not go so well, and I was worried. Coming home, my mother’s smile and bunch of flowers were a great relief. Prof called with good news. The crisis caused me to experience my father’s love and support in a different way. Our father-daughter relationship was on a new level.

My biggest life dream has always been to have children. After six years of one line pregnancy tests, praying and begging, we made an appointment at the Infertility Clinic. The waiting list is long, and the first available appointment is months away in July. My body feels weird and I do another pregnancy test a day before the appointment. The most beautiful picture of two lines greeted me and nine months later I got the role I wanted most – the Mommy role!

At almost forty, my path crossed the Infertility Clinic again. I recall the doctor’s words, “Science creates possibilities, but you must always remember that the decision is made by God himself”. I was eventually blessed with three wonderful sons. Candice and Justin also joined our family later. Charl who thought he was never going to have kids always says he has one, three or five kids, depending on how you look at it.

Family is my joy. After twelve years of marriage, I realised during an unexpected lunch date that my marital and family life as I knew it had irrevocably changed. The uncertainties stand in line with their frightening faces. How am I going to pay off the house? Will I be able to cope with housekeeping and raising the boys? Will I, with all my complexities, find a partner for the rest of the road?

I converted and rented out parts of the house to meet the financial challenges. In the process, I got to know wonderful and interesting people in crisis years of their own lives. The boys and I had special times together. I was forced to improve my technology and cricket knowledge and had to quickly learn about irrigation and swimming pools. The Father also sent me a partner who sometimes understands and sometimes tolerates my complexities.

Switzerland and the future remain another major uncertainty and now Covid-19 has also joined the list. I did learn to trust the Great Plan. I am still trying to understand and working on the possibilities that the situation creates. In uncertain times I cling to words of the wise.

“Embrace uncertainty. Some of the most beautiful chapters in our life’s, won’t have a title until much later” – Bob Goff

“Trust the wait. Embrace the uncertainty. Enjoy the beauty of becoming. When nothing is certain, anything is possible” – Mandy Hale

“Every problem, every dilemma, every dead end we find ourselves facing in life, only appears unsolvable inside a particular frame or point of view. Enlarge the box, or create another frame around the data, and problems vanish, while new opportunities appear.” ― Rosamund Stone Zander, The Art of Possibility

Kind regards

Emsia