I’ve always had a deep affection for stories. My earliest memories include the bedtime tales my mom read to me and the radio stories I listened to in the mornings. My dad’s anecdotes about his dorm antics never failed to make me laugh, offering a glimpse into the youthful and adventurous side of the responsible father I know. Even now, I derive immense pleasure, life lessons, and profound insights from books, movies, and the stories shared by others.

The significant role of stories in my life

I realise the significant role stories play in my life. My recall of events and situations influences how I feel about them and shapes my behaviour. Stories about shared experiences often foster a sense of connection and can even transform strangers into friends. Research shows that storytelling activates various brain parts and enhances our memory capabilities.

Writing regular letters home compels me to transform events in my life into stories. Several stories are characterized by positivity, joy, and serenity, whereas others exhibit uncertainty, disappointment, and loss. Within these stories, I contemplate the lessons or insights I’ve gleaned. I’ve learned not to share a personal story with others until I’ve processed all the events and outcomes myself and achieved a sense of peace about it.

Narrative Therapy

Fifteen years ago, I undertook a life coaching course right before my two eldest sons entered their teenage years. I needed to equip myself as a mother for this crucial phase as best as possible. Pursuing the Life Coaching Diploma was one of the most valuable investments I made in myself. It guided me in processing the hurts and disappointments I had been carrying up to that point, enabling me to approach my sons’ teenage years with greater readiness and understanding.

Last year, I came across the Narrative Pastoral Therapy course offered by Caritas in Mossel Bay. Recognizing the potential benefits, especially its use of storytelling in therapy, I felt drawn to it. Towards the end of the year, my South African friend Marna, who lives in Switzerland, informed me that we could participate in the course online from Switzerland. Marna and I joined the Zoom sessions conducted in Afrikaans from Mossel Bay. While bundled up in our thick sweaters to combat the Swiss winter, our fellow participants wrestled with staying cool amidst the summer heat.

Narrative Therapy teaches us to distinguish between the Person and the Problem. The Problem should not define the Person’s identity. Instead, the problem has its own identity, and by understanding its tactics through storytelling, we can more effectively separate ourselves from it.

This approach helped me grasp the Black Dog metaphor for depression. This metaphor illustrates how depression shadows its owner, akin to a loyal companion. Winston Churchill popularized the term Black Dog, attributing some of his challenges and periods of inactivity to his companion.

Weeds in my Garden

Many years ago, I have experienced bitterness in my life. I read a story that created a parallel between negative thoughts and weeds in a garden. The weeds multiply and replace the flowers and shrubs if you don’t get rid of them quickly. With my love of flowers and gardening, the story resonated with me. I could vividly imagine bitterness suffocating all traces of contentment and happiness.

During spring, weeds blanketed our expansive lawn. Determined to reclaim the space, I dedicated a weekend to weed removal. By the end, my body ached from the exertion, but a sizable pile of weeds, harbouring my bitterness, lay before me. I set the weed pile on fire to get rid of it for good. The power of the metaphor and the physical exercise were excellent therapy for me.

We own the copyright to our own stories

The narratives we craft about ourselves do not exist in isolation. Circumstances and interactions with others shape them. When someone treats us poorly, their negative influence often lingers in our self-perception. While we may not alter the narratives others hold about us, we can influence the stories we tell about ourselves and those we cherish.

We own the copyright to our stories. We must rework and rewrite the storylines that define our identity.

Stories help us get to know each other better

I think it’s good that we share our stories when we’re comfortable with it. It helps us to get to know each other on a deeper level.

When we share our stories, they remind us of the humanity in each other. When we take the time to understand each other’s stories, we become more forgiving and have more compassion and empathy for each other.

Regards

Emsia