The many meanings of money
The shiny silver Tesla glides to a stop in front of our apartment building, almost soundless. The doors lift open like something from the future, and my youngest son climbs out, backpack slung over one shoulder. He spots me and smiles — that half-boy, half-young-man smile — before thanking his friend’s mother for the ride.
The car pulls away in silence. I remain standing on the pavement longer than necessary. In that quiet moment, I realise something that both steadies and unsettles me: my three sons are growing up in different economic worlds.
I feel grateful. Grateful for opportunities I never imagined at his age. And uneasy. Because comfort quietly reshapes expectations. What feels normal to him would have felt extraordinary — even extravagant — to his older brothers.
As parents, we often ask: How do we prepare our children for the future? But the deeper question is: Which future?
Three Brothers, Different Economic Stories
Our time in Switzerland came through a work opportunity that shaped our family in unexpected ways. Two of our sons remained rooted in South African soil, navigating its complexity, resilience, and possibility. Our youngest grew up largely in Zurich — in a system marked by stability and a strong social safety net.
The same parents raised all three boys. Yet each carries a different internal story about money. The school we chose for our older sons in South Africa was a reflection of the country we wished to foster, one brimming with a variety of cultures, languages, and people. We aimed to impart an understanding of inequality, resilience, and shared responsibility. Our youngest completed most of his schooling in Zurich — a country marked by stability, efficiency, and a strong social safety net. Public transport runs on time. The Infrastructure works. Financial systems rarely feel fragile.
From the outside, one story may appear more privileged than another. But what is visible rarely tells the whole story. Growing up surrounded by visible wealth does not automatically make life easier. It can bring its own quiet pressures — comparison, belonging, and the awareness of what we can and cannot afford. Each of my sons carries challenges that the others do not. Each has been shaped in ways both beautiful and demanding. None of their stories is superior. Different soil grows different strengths.
Money is never just money. It also embodies memory, environment and history.
The Inheritance We Don’t See
Our understanding of money is shaped long before we earn it.
In my grandparents’ home, leftovers were never thrown away. Every scrap went into Tupperware, stacked neatly in the fridge. Waste felt almost immoral. My grandmother would frown if we layered butter, jam, and cheese on the same slice of bread. “That’s excessive,” she would say, genuinely perplexed.
She grew up in the long shadow of the Great Depression. It was a time when bank failures and hunger were lived realities. For her generation, frugality was a survival mechanism. Savings meant safety. Risk meant danger. Those habits became identity. Decades later, butter and jam together still felt like too much.
The Many Roles Money Plays
Money rarely means one thing.
For some, it is safety — the emergency fund checked repeatedly, the anxiety with every unexpected expense. A quiet vow: I will never feel that vulnerable again.
For others, it is freedom — the plane ticket bought without permission, the courage to leave a job, the ability to say yes to a new beginning. It whispers: You have options.
For some, it becomes identity — the car in the driveway, the postcode, the school fees paid with pride, quietly say: I have made it.
For others, it is connection — the meal paid for without hesitation, the sibling’s tuition covered quietly, the holiday planned for togetherness. It says, “We belong to one another.”
For some, it is enjoyment — experiences over possessions, spontaneity over spreadsheets, the belief that joy should not always be postponed.
And for many, it is a responsibility. After Apartheid, for many Black South Africans, a first salary did not belong only to the individual. It belonged to the family. To parents who sacrificed. To siblings who waited. Money circulated like a lifeline. It was hard-won freedom — and with freedom came obligation. These realities are not simply personal preferences about money. They are rooted in history, policy, exclusion, and resilience. Both our family’s cultural norms and the societal systems that either empowered or restricted us influence our financial experiences.
When Worlds Collide
When people with different money stories come together — in marriage, in friendship, in business — conflict is rarely about numbers.
I once saw this in a young couple. The wife grew up in a home where money meant safety and expenses were tracked. An emergency fund always existed. Stability was sacred. To her, money was the wall that kept chaos out. Her husband carried an entrepreneurial spirit. To him, money was something to use, invest and multiply. He saw opportunity where she saw risk.
When he spoke about starting a venture, she heard, “ We could lose everything”. When she suggested building more savings first, he heard, “You don’t believe in me”. Their arguments were never about spreadsheets. They were about fear and freedom. She was protecting stability. He was pursuing a possibility.
The money stories they lived out had been written long before their paths crossed. Until the stories were named, they fought symptoms rather than understanding roots.
Returning to the Pavement
The Tesla is long gone. My son walks toward me, talking about homework and weekend plans, unaware of the reflections unfolding in my mind. I smile and listen.
I do not want him to feel guilty for the opportunity. Nor blind to it. Perhaps preparing our children for the future is less about formulas and more about helping them understand the stories behind money — their own and others’. Money will shape them. But so will empathy. And if they can see that every financial decision carries a history of scarcity or stability, fear or freedom, then they will handle both wealth and lack with wisdom.
As we walk upstairs, I realise again: my sons are not just growing up in different economic worlds. They are growing up in different money stories. And so are we all.
Kind regards
Emsia
