The mother role is one that I wanted with all my heart. However, it confronted me like a mirror of my weaknesses. From the moment dependent little fingers wrap around yours, a mother’s heart and mind are in conflict. The feeling and the knowing rarely agree. I suspect this is an eternal struggle.

With each birth, it feels as if an entire room full of fragile emotions is unlocked. The feeling that your heart is suddenly sitting outside your body and that you are also carrying your children’s experiences and feelings makes you very vulnerable. This feeling is the heart of a mom. From the start, you understand the significant responsibility that accompanies the role. After all, God has entrusted them to you. You must help them prepare to live out their purpose in the world. This understanding is the mind of a mom.

At first, you feel overwhelmed by all the emotion and responsibility. Your kids need you, and they make it clear. You need to plan carefully to meet everyone’s needs and requirements. Your biggest wish is for some time of your own. It changes faster than you can imagine. They let go, take care of themselves, and suddenly you have too much time on your own.

Your mind confirms it is good that they become independent, take responsibility, and learn to stand on their own feet. However, your heart wishes in selfishness that you are still needed. As a mother, it takes a lot of wisdom and emotional maturity to let go in the right way and at the right time.

Letting go – adolescence

There are three significant milestones when a mother must let go of her children. The first time is when they become adolescents. The hormones kick in, and they need privacy. They start closing doors, and deodorant smells hang in the house if you are lucky. They spend a lot of time behind closed doors and prefer their friends’ company and activities over yours. I can still hear Christo with his regular, “Privacy Mom!”

Letting go – leaving the nest

The second time a mom must let go is when her children leave the nest. It is a significant loss, but a mom gains more peace and tranquillity in the home. The conflict between their will and respect for the rest of the family intensifies towards the end. They need to prove to themselves that they are able. Consequently, they discover and try new things and do more activities independently.

Sometimes they still need your problem-solving skills when a crisis gets out of hand. Their contact with you is on their terms. They do not necessarily want to listen to your advice or opinions, but your children always need a mother who listens with love and understanding.

Time passes, and one day you realise your child has turned into a friend. They have new ideas and informed opinions and start sharing wisdom. You have more time for yourself and your passions and interests. If you are lucky, some of these passions and interests are shared, and you and your child discover together and exchange experiences and information.

Letting go – life partner

The third time you need to let them go is when they choose a life partner. The choice of a partner is theirs, but their choice of person has a significant impact on the relationship between you and your child going forward. If things work out positively, their choice causes you to become richer in relationships.

Maybe you are blessed with grandchildren. Your cup of happiness overflows, but the whole conflict between a grandmother’s heart and mind starts over again. You think with gratitude, “Now they will finally understand how much I love them!”

Regards

Emsia