Letting go and the accompanying loss is recently a theme for many people close to me. Many friends have recently lost a parent, child, or spouse. Queen Elizabeth’s passing highlighted this for us all. The process of letting go visits us in different guises throughout our lives. It takes courage to face each of them.

When people go

People come into our lives for a reason, season, or lifetime. It is, therefore, a reality that people will go at some point. The depth of the loss depends on the depth of the relationship.

When someone dies

When someone we love dies, the loss of their presence leaves a great void. There are usually precious memories, stories, and personal belongings that we cherish. We let them go with great sadness but also gratitude for the privilege of being able to walk a path with them and their impact on us.

We try to find comfort in accepting that this is part of our Creator’s time and plan.

When people choose to go

However, it is difficult when people you love choose to leave your life. Letting them go with grace is an act of love. Unlike death, rejection and even shame accompany the loss. However, we mustn’t personalize it; usually, it has little to do with us.

People make this choice to go for different reasons. Sometimes the relationship is not a priority because they want to focus on another path or goal. Other times, it shines a bright light on the dark places they are not ready to visit. In many cases, they know something we don’t; they know their limitations at that moment.

When children leave the house

My generation is in the phase of our lives where our children leave the nest.

We must allow them to make their own choices and decisions. However, initially, you are on standby and ready for any crisis. The relationship changes drastically, and both parties experience loss and adjustment.

My 23-year-old son, who is now standing on his own two feet, recently sent me a short video containing an interview with clinical psychologist Jordan Peterson about the role of a mother. Peterson explained,

“The Freudians said the good Mother necessarily fails.  It means she stops providing the comfort that insulates people against the need for adventure. The best portrait I have seen of that is Michaelangelo’s Pieta. It is a statue of Mary and she has the adult body of Christ on her lap, but broken and destroyed.  That is the bravery of a mother.

She allows that to happen, but also facilitates it.  She says, “I understand the world out there is dangerous.  You might lose your body out there in the world, but if you stay here with me, you will lose your soul.”

In his way, he showed compassion by forwarding the video and acknowledging the conflict between a mother’s heart and mind. It also helped me to look at letting go of my young adult children in a different way.

To let go of the familiar

Change is part of growth. To grow, we must let go of the familiar, accept the loss and give up the reassurance of certainty. We experienced this very practically when we moved to Switzerland three years ago. We had to let go of our family home, the school, church, friends, Table Mountain, and the Winelands. In a new country, we had to make many lifestyle adjustments and learn a new language.

It is best to deal with the loss of a familiar environment the same way as with people. We should remember and celebrate what was good and fun and be grateful for having it in our life. I often remind myself that change is part of growth, and that adaptability strengthens me. A book of life consists of different chapters.

To let go of part of your identity

Sometimes situations force you to let go of those things to which you attach your value and identity. Only after I stopped working; I realized the extent to which I had allowed my identity to depend on my profession. 

Many internal and external factors influence our identities, such as society, family, loved ones, ethnicity, race, culture, location, opportunities, media, interests, appearance, self-expression, and life experiences.

Age gives us a lot of experience in the art of letting go

As time goes by, I understand that age provides us with a lot of experience in the art of letting go.

Over time, we must let go of things and people dear and precious to us. Often, we must also let go of health and mobility benefits and privileges.

Letting go with grace is an art. The mindset with which we do this is a significant challenge and test. I have a lot of respect for those who manage to grow old with dignity. Queen Elizabeth was one of those people for me.

Regards,

Emsia