I met Anton 30 years ago when he worked at the town library in Stellenbosch. After asking for my name, he inquired about my date of birth. He told me I was born on a Thursday, which amazed me. Anton was the first person on the autism spectrum I ever met. His exceptional talent for remembering dates and numbers impressed me.

Anton’s book about his life

I recently had the privilege of meeting Anton again. My friend Marna gifted me Anton’s autobiography and arranged for him to sign it with a personal message for me. Despite the pouring rain, he arrived at the agreed time and place, riding his black bicycle and wearing a raincoat. This time, I felt more prepared for our interaction. I understand that people with autism often find social relationships challenging, but he was very polite. He even told Zander what day he was born. When Anton greeted me, he said, “I met you in 1995 as well. Goodbye Emsia”

Anton documented his mother’s influence on his life

His book, Ek Onthou (I remember), highlighting his mother’s determination and impact as a parent, deeply moved me. One day, while in Stellenbosch, a pickpocket attacked Anton and stole his notebook. When his brother asked him months later what had been in the book, Anton replied that it was “an essay about Mom.” He felt compelled to commemorate his mother, who had already passed away, and her role in shaping his life. His three brothers encouraged and supported him to write a book about his life. Additionally, a schoolmate and journalist, Bun Booyens, assisted him in preparing the manuscript for publication.

People in Anton’s life

Anton’s mother was determined that he should fill his place in society with dignity. She spent countless hours helping him with his studies at Paul Roos Gymnasium, Stellenbosch.  Her priority was to enable him to continue his studies for as long as possible. Friends assisted him with tasks he struggled to complete. However, he also faced difficulties from other boys who made his life harder.

Reading about how Anton and his brothers lost their mother to cancer at a young age was heartbreaking. Anton’s brother Corrie wrote,  “I understand my parents’ decision to take Anton out of their familiar world and send him to Olyfkrans College. Anton had come to a crossroads in his life. Our mother also realised that her life was coming to an end. He was now an adult who had to leave his parents’ home, with the fear that his mother would soon leave him too.”

Reading about the role that Anton’s father and his three brothers played in his life, especially after his mother’s death, was truly inspiring. I gained so much insight from Anton’s experiences and his book detailing them. The book is one of those gifts of love from the heart that continues to provide value long after you finish reading it.

My sons’ brother Liam

There was a little boy who significantly impacted my awareness of autism.

His name is Liam, and he is Denise’s son. After my divorce from Gert, he married Denise when Liam was still a baby. Gert, who already had two older sons, quickly noticed that Liam’s developmental stages did not align with his expectations. Specialists diagnosed Liam on the autism spectrum.

Adjusting to the new situation was challenging for everyone, including Jacques, who was then 6 years old, and Christo, who was 4. They also needed to learn how to interact appropriately with Liam. Each individual diagnosed with autism has a unique experience, and the autism spectrum is not a linear journey. The accompanying picture helped improve my understanding of this.

We decided to take Jacques and Christo to a psychologist, who assisted them in better grasping Liam’s experiences and behaviours. Through this support, they quickly learned how to handle situations with Liam appropriately and understood the importance of giving him space when he felt overwhelmed by sensory input.

Liam found a special place in my heart

Liam was an energetic and passionate boy. Every other weekend, he would accompany Gert when he came to pick up Jacques and Christo. He would excitedly jump out of the car to greet me. Liam also went with Gert to the boys’ sports events. I appreciated his smile and enthusiasm.

Liam played a significant role in shaping my perspective and internal processing of our divorce. I observed how Gert supported and assisted Denise, and I could begin to understand how this fits into our Father’s bigger plan. Gert and Denise also helped me deepen my understanding of autism by sharing books for me to read. Liam has a passion for fashion, colour, dance, and music. I enjoy the music videos that Denise helps him create in the beautiful setting where they live.

Liam is an outspoken Christian and a voice for those not treated equally or fairly. He turned 21 last year, and it is good to see the special brotherly bond between Jacques, Christo, and him. Liam has significantly influenced their feelings and actions, creating a deep compassion. They easily stand up for others who, for various reasons, find it difficult to do so themselves.

I admire the dedication of parents raising children on the autism spectrum

The lives of Anton and Liam have deeply touched me. I’ve developed greater compassion and respect for parents of children on the autism spectrum, learning from their commitment to providing the best opportunities.

Kind regards

Emsia