Letters Home

Waiting is one of those aspects of life that I wish I could handle better. I desire answers quickly, seek clarity without hesitation, and want prompt action. Yet life keeps reminding me that waiting is both unavoidable and, at times, necessary.

I have reflected on different seasons of waiting in my life. I have tried to understand why it is so difficult for me and what has helped me get through it. In the process, I have realised that even waiting can bring surprising positives.

Why Is Waiting So Hard?

As a young woman, one of my deepest desires was to become a mother. During the first six years of my marriage, I faced the painful uncertainty of whether that dream would ever come true. My internal biological clock seemed to keep ticking louder, echoing the questions in my heart: Would motherhood ever be part of my story? Each month brought its own cycle of hope, disappointment, and the courage to try again.

That season of waiting helped me realise that the struggle often lies in the uncertainty. We long for answers, for certainty, and for the sense that everything is falling into place. Sometimes, however, we need to be still and trust that even in waiting, life is quietly doing its work.

Waiting becomes especially difficult when it touches our deepest desires. Longing for something good—a job, healing, a relationship, or a child—can make uncertainty feel overwhelming and leave us powerless. When that waiting is intertwined with pain—through illness, loneliness, or grief—it can seem almost unbearable.

It also heightens our awareness of time slipping by. For some, it’s linked to a biological clock or career milestones; for others, it’s the simple sense that life is moving forward without them. In such moments, waiting can feel less like a pause and more like falling behind.

What Helps in Times of Waiting?

Although we cannot control how long our season of waiting lasts, we can choose how we spend the time in between. Here are some practices that have helped me:

Meditation and Prayer: When we meditate and pray, waiting takes on new meaning. It is no longer just a time of silence and uncertainty, but a season of growth and transformation. In that quietness, we nurture patience, strengthen our faith, and find hope that anchors us. While it does not shorten the waiting, it transforms how we experience it. Instead of being consumed by frustration, we can carry the waiting with peace, trust, and even the quiet joy of God’s presence.

Creative Activities: Any activity that places me in a “flow state“, such as writing, painting, baking, or photography, has been helpful. I focus on something pleasant, so worry doesn’t consume my thoughts.

Moments of Wonder: Wonder lifts us above the heaviness of waiting. I often find it in nature: a sunset, the fine details of a flower through my camera lens, or the song of birds in the early morning. These moments remind me that I am a small part of a greater whole, and that there is far more order in the seeming chaos than I can see.

Words of Hope: I write down words that speak to me. They’re my anchors when I feel uncertain. When I’m feeling impatient, phrases such as “This season will not last forever” or “God has a plan for our lives” bring me relief.

What Good Can Come from Waiting?

Nelson Mandela’s life teaches us that waiting is never wasted time. For 27 years, he sat in prison, cut off from his family and from the cause to which he had devoted his life. Yet that long season of waiting was not empty—it was a time of preparation.

In the silence of confinement, Mandela learned patience and realised that change cannot be rushed. He gained insight into his enemies’ perspectives, learned forgiveness, and chose to lead with wisdom rather than anger. His time in prison enabled him to grow into the kind of leader the world needed—one who could unite rather than divide and transform bitterness into reconciliation. By the time he walked free in 1990, Mandela had become a symbol of hope, resilience, and justice. His story exemplifies how growth can occur even during difficult waiting periods.

The Bible affirms this same truth in the lives of God’s people. Abraham and Sarah waited years for the promised child. Joseph’s waiting shaped his character, deepened his faith, and positioned him to save nations during crisis. By the time David became king, his trials had shaped him into a leader after God’s own heart, able to guide Israel with both strength and humility. Each of these stories emphasises that waiting has purpose. It is a season of shaping, refining, and preparing. In waiting, God cultivates patience, deepens our faith, and aligns us with His perfect timing.

I love the Swahili saying: “Haraka haraka haina baraka” — “Hurry, hurry has no blessing.” Waiting may seem at odds with everything our fast-paced world values, but perhaps that slower rhythm carries its own hidden blessings. Waiting can turn impatience into trust, weakness into resilience, and longing into deeper dependence on our Creator.

A Final Thought

Waiting is never easy. It tests our patience and can sometimes leave us feeling frustrated, anxious, and alone. Yet it can also help us grow in surprising ways. It can open our eyes to blessings we might otherwise overlook. It teaches us to live with faith and trust, and it builds perseverance and emotional resilience.

I am certainly not yet good at waiting, but I am slowly learning that these seasons are not wasted. Even when they challenge me emotionally, they have the power to strengthen my character and my faith.

Warm regards,

Emsia

Each member of my family is on a unique path filled with uncertainty and obstacles. As a mother and wife, I strive to support and encourage them. However, there are moments when the uncertainty feels overwhelming, and anxiety creeps in. Meanwhile, Faith stands outside—calm, patient, and trustworthy—waiting for me to open the door and invite Him in.

That’s why I have decided to embrace Faith and let His voice resonate louder than the whispers of Uncertainty and Anxiety. I find my key in books full of wisdom and in the conversations with my Creator, as I walk in the forest. In the stillness, I hear His voice more clearly.

One day, on my way through the fields to the forest, I noticed the sunflower. Nature arranged the seeds in a perfect Fibonacci spiral, which Zander had once taught me about. This mathematical pattern, so full of order and efficiency, reminded me that creation itself speaks a language of its own. It felt as if nature, with its rhythms and quiet certainties, was whispering to me: “There is a greater plan; find rest in it.”

Patterns and order in nature

Even when the world seems messy, I continually discover how nature carries its own order. Beneath the surface of chaos, patterns emerge that are not accidental, but that reveal how God created and organised our world according to wisdom and rhythm.

I see it in the spiral of a sunflower, in the layers of a pineapple, and even in the arrangement of flower petals – all shaped by the Fibonacci pattern that helps the plant make the most of light and water. I observe it in the hexagonal honeycomb of bees, a simple yet efficient way to store food without waste.

These patterns are everywhere. The branching of blood vessels resembles lightning bolts, as both distribute energy most effectively. The spiral of a galaxy mirrors the swirl of a hurricane; both obey the same fluid dynamics. Even the fractal pattern of a fern resembles a river delta, because both fill their space in the best possible way.

Chaos Theory

Chaos theory is one of the most fascinating concepts in science. The concept illustrates how nature can be unpredictable while still following hidden rules. It demonstrates that small changes in initial conditions, referred to as the “butterfly effect”, can later lead to significant differences.

A tiny shift in air pressure or temperature in one place can eventually contribute to a storm or tornado elsewhere. Small changes in birth or death rates of a species can ripple through an ecosystem like waves. A single small fire or the fall of a tree can alter light and nutrients, reshaping the growth of plants and the paths of wild animals. Over time, these small changes can transform an entire forest.

Chaos and order as dance partners

The longer I look at nature, the clearer it becomes to me that Chaos and Order are not opponents, but dance partners. Chaos brings change, movement, and resilience. Order brings stability, rhythm, and predictability. Together, chaos and order create balance and life.

I see it in the ecosystems around me: storms that cleanse the air and restore balance, fires that remove old growth to make space for new. Even in human society, this paradox holds. Disorder often carries the seeds of renewal, while order provides the rest in which those new things can take root.

Personal Lessons from the Paradox

From this dance between Chaos and Order, I learn valuable life lessons:

Embrace uncertainty. A river never chooses a straight path. It winds and curves, sometimes fast, slow, and now and then plunges over a waterfall. Yet it always reaches the sea. I don’t need to understand every turn. The current still carries me forward.

Notice patterns within chaos. The moon changes every night – full, crescent, dark, light – but her cycle always returns faithfully. Change itself is the constant.

Find balance between routine and flexibility. A tree stands firmly rooted in the earth, yet its branches dance with the wind. That is how it survives storms. With my roots firmly planted in the rhythms of care and prayer, I can remain flexible through life’s storms.

Let growth come from disorder. A wildfire may leave everything black and quiet, but it also returns nutrients to the soil and allows new life to sprout. Fynbos and proteas depend on this very cycle.

See beauty in imperfection. Mountains are not straight or symmetrical – their cliffs are uneven, their valleys irregular. And yet it is this that makes them majestic.

At the end of the day

Order and Chaos, like Faith and Anxiety, are not always in conflict. They sometimes work together to bring new possibilities. When I learn to embrace this paradox, a quietness settles in me. Even within disorder, patterns reveal themselves. What is certain is held lightly, while what cannot be controlled is gradually released. Beauty appears in imperfection, rhythm emerges from chaos, and meaning is found in every twist of the path.

There is no need to fight against the rhythm of the universe; it is better to move in step and dance with it.

Kind regards,

Emsia

Our summer holiday reminded me of just how essential vacations and weekend getaways are. As the year goes on, pressures and obligations increase, while our energy and joy steadily fade. More conversations seem to revolve around tasks to finish, challenges to tackle, and problems to solve. Vacations and short breaks are not just opportunities to relax; they are a vital part of maintaining a balanced life.

Strengthening relationships

Stepping away from work, household chores, and screens allows us to give each other our full attention once again. Without the rush of daily life, conversations flow more naturally and freely. In a relaxed setting, it becomes easier to open up, even about sensitive topics. These moments break the cycle of busy days and remind us why we chose each other as life partners in the first place.

We also get to notice how our children have grown, learn more about them, and share new adventures.

Visiting new places creates shared stories—little treasures we can recall later and laugh about. These experiences often reveal new sides of each other: a sense of adventure, a quick wit, or deep patience.

Fuel for Fresh Ideas

New places, foods, and people expand our perspectives and spark creativity. Our senses come alive, allowing us to view the world with fresh eyes. This openness helps us to be flexible and prepared for change.

Perhaps the greatest gift of a holiday is the people we encounter along the way. A spontaneous conversation with a stranger, a warm local welcome, or the generosity with which someone shares their culture—these moments can leave a lasting impression on our hearts.

Vacations and short getaways act like a button that takes our minds and bodies out of “autopilot,” reminding us that life holds more colours than those we see every day.

Perspective and Insight

Distance—both physical and mental—has a way of making our daily problems seem smaller. It helps us see challenges more clearly and often provides new insights. This space allows for valuable reflection: Am I where I want to be, doing what truly matters to me, content with the direction my life is taking? What do I hope for in the future?

Holidays remind us that life is full of possibilities. They encourage us to think beyond our usual boundaries, to grow, and to embrace change. I made my most significant life decisions while on vacation.

Here are some of my perspectives and insights from my holiday.

Ageing and Retirement

Our recent cruise to Iceland was perfect for those who, due to age or health, are less mobile. The ship smoothly glided through spectacular fjords, offering breathtaking views right from the deck. Most of the passengers were older, many of whom used walkers or mobility scooters, which were parked and recharged at night in the corridor outlets.

At the very front of the top deck was the Crow’s Nest, featuring large panoramic windows. From early morning, guests enjoyed the scenery while sipping steaming cups of coffee. The lounge also provided a selection of board games and puzzles, encouraging relaxed conversations and the formation of new friendships.

Charl and I participated in the interactive games, though we did not perform well in the music quizzes—we recognised the songs instantly but completely forgot their titles! However, quizzes on sports, science, and food boosted our confidence.

In the evenings, the ballroom dance floor came alive. I was captivated by the graceful movements of many older couples, who seemed perfectly in tune with each other. It was clear they had been dancing through life together for many years.

As we approach our retirement, this trip prompted reflection on what lies ahead. The people we met on board inspired us and left us excited about the future.

The Comfort of Language

On the cruises, announcements and conversations are often in the local language, which can make understanding them challenging. On our Holland America cruise, the Cruise Director made announcements in both Dutch and English. He was from Belgium and spoke Dutch with a Flemish accent that sounded almost identical to Afrikaans.

Being able to understand everything felt amazing. It opened doors for casual conversations with fellow passengers and allowed us to learn more about our destinations. Speaking and hearing a familiar language felt like wearing your most comfortable shoes while exploring somewhere new—you still experience the thrill of discovery without the discomfort of uncertainty at every turn.

Miracles and Faith

The Cruise Director shared several stories about the places we visited, but one story from the Norwegian fishing village of Ålesund particularly resonated with me.

In 1904, a massive fire swept through Ålesund, destroying 850 wooden buildings and leaving 10,000 people homeless. Remarkably, on a hill in the eastern district, one small wooden house remained untouched—Waldehuset, known as “the house that did not burn.”

According to local legend, the owner of the house, preacher Waldemar Anderssen, was visited by an angel on the day of the fire. The angel promised him that his house would not burn down, and Anderssen chose to stay inside throughout the blaze. When the flames finally died down, his home stood unharmed, surrounded by the ruins of the village.

Just three years later, they rebuilt the city in stunning Art Nouveau style, making it one of the most modern towns in the world at that time. Today, Waldehuset operates as a small museum and café, serving as a symbol of faith and grace. This coming year, I want to focus more on the miracles and grace in my own life.

In conclusion

If we think of life as a long hike, holidays and weekends away serve as resting spots. They provide us with water, shade, and a moment to pause and reflect. These breaks allow us to continue our journey with renewed energy and to enjoy the experience.

However, resting spots are more than just brief pauses; they remind us why we walk in the first place. Away from the rush of daily life, we can hear our thoughts and notice the small wonders along the path.

It makes the journey a rich tapestry of stories, people, and moments that nourish our souls. When we set out again, we carry a bit of that rest with us—a quiet strength that helps us take each step with gratitude.

Warm regards, 

Emsia

We moved to a new country shortly before my 50th birthday. Two of my sons had to stay behind in South Africa to continue their studies. My youngest son and husband had to adjust to a new school and work environment in a foreign country. I also had to adapt to many changes, including an almost empty nest. At least I could talk about this.

However, I found it much more difficult to talk about what was happening inside my own body. I was entering menopause, and it felt as if I were living in someone else’s skin.

That’s why I have decided to speak openly about a topic and a phase of life that I believe too many women are unprepared for. This topic is menopause, how we experience it and the often-overlooked risk of dependency that can accompany it.

The Overlooked Storm of Midlife

This stage of life often coincides with other stress-inducing transitions. Children leaving home can trigger feelings of loss and emptiness. At the same time, our ageing parents may become ill or increasingly dependent on us. This adds another layer of emotional responsibility. Additionally, our partners may be approaching retirement, and financial uncertainty can heighten anxiety, particularly with questions like, “What will we do with our time?” and “Where will we retire?”

Menopause brings a wide range of physical and emotional symptoms. I expected hot flashes, night sweats, sleep disturbances, and mood swings. However, I was unprepared for the depression, anxiety, and overwhelming sense of purposelessness that followed. The physical changes also took me by surprise. Stubborn belly fat, vaginal and skin dryness, and constant body aches left me feeling disconnected from my own body.

We often speak openly about adolescence and the effects of hormones on teenagers. Yet, we rarely acknowledge the significant hormonal shifts that women experience during menopause, and the emotional toll that it can take.

The Hidden Risk of Midlife Coping Mechanisms

During this life phase, many women face a significant and often overlooked risk. There is a growing reliance on substances and behaviours that provide only temporary relief. They include alcohol, painkillers, and other substances, as well as habits like excessive social media use or compulsive shopping.

Alcohol is normalised and ingrained in our social culture. It is easy to develop a use pattern without recognising the associated dangers. Social pressure often encourages drinking and using other substances. More options are available, so many seek comfort in them. This dependence can be detrimental to some women, consciously or not.

Among older women, the harmful effects of these substances are frequently overlooked or misdiagnosed as conditions like depression or even dementia. Shame or denial can prevent women from seeking help, which only exacerbates the issue.

It’s essential to understand that women metabolise alcohol differently than men, making them more vulnerable to long-term damage, such as liver harm and cognitive decline. Research indicates that alcohol consumption during menopause can worsen symptoms and increase the risk of serious health issues like heart disease and osteoporosis.

How the Brain Turns Pleasure into Craving

I found it fascinating to learn that the brain processes all forms of pleasure in the same way, whether from a drink, a financial reward, a sexual experience, or a delicious meal. In each case, the brain releases a neurotransmitter called dopamine into an area known as the brain’s pleasure centre.

The likelihood that a substance or activity will lead to a problematic relationship depends on three factors: how quickly it triggers dopamine release, how intense that release is, and how consistently it occurs. Even how a person takes a substance, resulting in how quickly it enters the bloodstream, can affect its potential for addiction.

The Role of Dopamine

Dopamine does more than create feelings of pleasure; it also plays a crucial role in learning and memory. These functions can transform something you enjoy into something you crave, prompting you to seek it out.

Over time, the brain adjusts to repeated dopamine surges. This adaptation leads to tolerance, meaning that the same substance or activity no longer produces the same level of pleasure. People often find that what once gave them a satisfying “high” now feels dull unless they increase the amount or frequency.

Even after someone has ended their relationship with a substance or behaviour, the craving for the pleasure it once provided can remain, sometimes for years.

We need to support each other

It’s essential that we, as women, support one another during this phase of life. Simply talking to someone who truly listens can make a world of difference. A few kind words or encouraging messages can mean everything, especially when someone feels low, has lost interest in activities they once enjoyed, or is struggling with self-esteem.

We should reach out to other women, invite them to join us in activities or help them connect with others. These small gestures create opportunities for joy, confidence, and connection.

I will always be grateful to the women who reached out to me when I needed it most. Through their support, I’ve built beautiful new friendships that enrich my life.

Kind regards

Emsia

The Orange River, the longest river in South Africa, weaves through our family’s history like a golden thread. My parents grew up along its banks, where they also met. My father, Christo, was raised in Upington, while my mother, Lenie, grew up in Kanoneiland. Many of our relatives still farm along the river today. During a recent visit, the breathtaking sunsets reminded me just how fitting the name “Orange River” truly is.

My grandfather was one of the early settlers of Kanoneiland

My grandfather, Barend Engelbrecht, was one of the early settlers of Kanoneiland, the largest island in the Orange River. Thanks to its fertile soil and abundant water, Kanoneiland became a thriving irrigation area. He settled there during the Depression years. They built the first bridge in 1940. Before then, the island’s earliest inhabitants arrived at their new home by raft, boat, and floating bridges.

The Orange River is not safe for swimming

We enjoy visiting the Orange River as a family.

On one of those trips, the water level was low, and my eldest son, Jacques, and I decided to swim to the opposite bank of the river despite my mother’s warnings. We noticed a sandbank among the reeds where we planned to rest before swimming back.

However, as we approached the sandbank, we encountered a family of monitor lizards waiting for us. Alarmed, we quickly turned around and tried to swim back upstream. I struggled to make it, and Jacques had to help me out of the river. Another danger of the Orange River is the presence of hazardous whirlpools that can pull you in. Many people have drowned because of these.

The Orange River both gives and takes away

The Orange River is often prone to flooding, and during these times, the Augrabies Falls become a magnificent sight.

However, flooding can cause significant damage to established fields. My Aunt Barry shared many stories about how they lost their vineyards and belongings to flood damage several times during the 1960s and 1970s. On several occasions, a helicopter rescued them, and they had to stay in a warehouse until the water levels went down. Due to the impact of the floods, they had to start over from scratch three times.

My cousin and her family operate a farm that produces fruits and vegetables for Europe, located near the Augrabies Falls. Tragically, at the end of 2021, their young adult son drowned in the Orange River during a flood.

Family Outings Along the Orange River

As a family, we have cherished memories of our outings along the banks of the Orange River. Ten years ago, we celebrated my mother’s 70th birthday in Keimoes, a place of significance as she completed her final years of school there.

Upington Riverbank Lodge

It was only fitting to celebrate my mother’s 80th birthday with family along the Orange River during Easter weekend. We stayed at the Riverbank Lodge in Upington. Every evening, we enjoyed braais and made potjiekos by the river while watching the sun set in golden hues.

The lodge featured a swimming pool and a beautiful lawn where the cousins played with a ball, often under the watchful eyes of monkeys in the trees.

In the morning, we greeted the new day during sunrise on the long stoep with a cup of coffee and rusks. We also ended the day on the stoep, enjoying rooibos tea paired with Swiss chocolate.

My mother and I shared a room, and the alone time with her was the most precious experience. We would lie in bed and talk late into the night, often giggling like teenagers as we reminisced about events from the past.

African Vineyard Hotel in Kanoneiland

The African Vineyard Hotel was the perfect place to celebrate my mom’s 80th birthday in Kanoneiland, where she spent her childhood. The hotel set up a long table underneath a grape arbour, reminiscent of her early years. We decorated the table with golden yellow tablecloths, vibrant flowers, Porchie napkins, and Lindt chocolate.

The food was delicious, and the cutlery was stylish. It created a wonderful atmosphere for our family to share stories around the long table. Our young adult children had the opportunity to reconnect and get to know each other better. They fully took advantage of the beautiful venue to capture stunning family photos.

Contentment

With a heart full of love and a mind full of memories, we boarded the plane in Upington to begin our journey back to Switzerland. As we ascended, Zander and I gazed down for one last time, watching the Orange River snake its way across the land as it made its timeless journey to the sea.

Regards

Emsia