Both Jacques and Christo were born on the first Friday in March. Jacques came into the world 22 years ago and took his time in his calm way. Christo arrived two years later, but due to his nature he could not wait to start his life. Three weeks before his expected date, he gave urgent notice, and I rushed to hospital with my car’s hazards on.  Motherhood has meanwhile taught me valuable lessons.

Parenting is an incredible privilege. In my experience, becoming a mother was not as easy as everyone warned me during my teenage years. The role is also not as easy as it seemed when I was a teenager!

My parents love me infinitely. I only understood this the day I became a mom and felt like I was carrying my heart fragile and exposed outside my body. When I think back on my years as a teenager, there are many opportunities, situations, and words with my own parents that I wish I had handled differently. Fortunately, I now know from experience that a mother’s love for her children is patient and endures a lot.

Every human being is created uniquely. I realized this when I tried to apply my parenting lessons learned with Jacques, to Christo and Zander. Each branch of the family tree grows in its own direction to get its own sunlight and serve its own purpose. It is necessary for balance. One may never compare two people, especially children.

The Miracle of Life. It is amazing how a person develops from two cells within nine months and transforms into an independent young adult within a few years.

Do not judge other people’s parenting. In an Afrikaans expression we refer to young children as green wheat. Your own green wheat is going to give other people a lot of opportunity to judge you. In summer, the wheat is literally green on the fields around us. Sometimes a bright red poppy grows among the green wheat and it reminds me of Dr Seuss’ wisdom of “Why fit in when you were born to stand out”. It is especially these red poppies that give people reason to judge!

Parenting is an opportunity for personal growth. With each child I learn new things and must overcome new challenges in the circumstances, but also in myself. Each of my children challenges me in different ways. I learn about setting boundaries, negotiating, and being directly confronted with my own weaknesses. Sometimes I am guilty of unnecessary haste. I remember a specific occasion when a six-year-old Jacques said to me, “That’s right Mom. I will hurry, but why should we hurry if it is Sunday and we are just on our way to the beach?”

Amid many parenting challenges, the relationship with your child is the most important. I learned the hard way that conflict is part of the role, but that I must deal with the conflict in a respectful way so that the relationship does not suffer. I also learned that just like with a crisis, I need to make optimal use of a conflict situation for mutual understanding and growth in the relationship.

Each of our children grows up in his own circumstances. Everyone has their own challenges and lessons to learn. “In my day we did it that way”, are not words that help. Zander and Jacques are almost ten years apart and it is amazing to see how many things have changed in ten years that cause their growing up circumstances to differ in many ways.

I still have a lot to learn. Ever since your children were born, you have come to know the changing world through their eyes. I must work hard to keep up. Jacques and Christo worked on my music knowledge on the way to school and Zander has now taken over. Social media has created a whole new set of opportunities and challenges.

Parenting is not a journey that you can tackle alone. We need to be open to different inputs to help our children become balanced adults. When children suddenly grow up in two different homes, there are inevitably different views, challenges, and parenting styles. Parents and stepparents along with wonderful other adults like grandparents, family, teachers, and everyone who crosses their path help them find their way.

I am grateful for every person who play a role in my children’s lives!

Kind regards

Emsia