We learn many ideas and ways of thinking from those around us, such as our family, friends, and the people we spend time with. These ideas are known as social constructs. They help us understand how the world functions and shape our perceptions of what people deem right or wrong, as well as conventional or unusual. We acquire these ideas through various means, including language, culture, family life, friendships, and even media, such as television and social platforms. Social constructs help us navigate our world, but they are not permanent. They can change and evolve as people and societies develop.

Unwritten rules and  truths

People often become accustomed to their ways of thinking and doing things, leading them to believe that their perspective is the only or the correct one. For them, this becomes their “truth.” However, when we visit other places or countries, we quickly realise that people can think and live very differently. This experience teaches us that there can be more than one “truth.”

I first recognised this when I left home to attend university. There, I met individuals from diverse backgrounds who perceived and described situations in ways that differed significantly from my own. I distinctly remember the first time a male classmate visited my parents’ house. Some of his behaviour clashed with my mom’s expectations, and her body language made that clear! Later, my friend joked, “It feels like your house is full of unwritten rules, and I keep breaking them. I wish someone would give me a list!”

Switzerland

When our family moved to Switzerland, I wished someone would provide us with a list of all the unspoken rules. In Switzerland, people are not shy about pointing out when you break one of these rules.

The Swiss highly value time, reflected in punctuality. Residents view being on time as a sign of respect, reliability, and professionalism. They often consider being late to be rude or inconsiderate. Public transportation, such as trains and buses, almost always runs exactly on schedule, which reinforces the expectation that everyone should manage their time well.  Punctuality goes beyond just arriving on time; it reflects your integrity. It shows that you honour your commitments, respect responsibilities, and value others’ time.

In contrast, the attitudes toward time in South Africa are often more relaxed. Many people adopt a flexible approach, sometimes humorously referred to as “African time. ” According to African time, arriving a little late is acceptable and not necessarily seen as disrespectful. That said, both Charl and I were raised in families where punctuality mattered. Therefore, the Swiss perspective on time aligns well with our values.

Families

Families play a crucial role in shaping how children understand what is acceptable or desirable in life. Much of what people believe about the world begins at home. It is often learned through everyday routines and interactions, sometimes without anyone even realising it. The way family members communicate with each other, the expectations set at home, and the values passed down all influence a child’s perspective.

One important concept that families help to define is what it means to be “successful,” and this can vary widely from one household to another. Some parents might say, “You need to go to college and get a good job,” while others might emphasise, “If you work hard in the family business or become a caring parent, you’re doing well.”

What children come to believe about success is often shaped by their observations and experiences at home. These beliefs can influence their future decisions and profoundly shape how they view themselves and their accomplishments.

Language

Language plays a key role in shaping how people think, behave, and interact with one another. In South Africa, with its 11 official languages and diverse cultures, language influences how people understand concepts such as gender roles (what is expected of men and women), respect, family, and identity.

In some South African cultures, showing respect to elders is important. You do not simply address older individuals by their first names; there are specific terms and ways of speaking that convey respect. The language itself teaches people about roles and hierarchy within the family and community, helping to preserve cultural traditions.

This concept is similar to how some European languages, such as French or German, use different forms of “you” based on the level of formality—”vous vs. tu” in French or “Sie vs. du” in German. However, in South Africa, this idea often runs deeper and is closely tied to cultural norms.

I observe this in my own family. My children, who grew up in the city, call my sister and her husband by their first names. In contrast, my sister’s children, who were raised in the countryside, still refer to me as “Aunt Emsia.” For them, this represents a sign of respect and reflects the values their parents instilled in them.

Culture

In many African cultures, the concept of Ubuntu emphasises the importance of community and mutual support. Ubuntu can be summarised as: “I am who I am because we have each other.” It stresses the significance of caring for others, standing together, and recognising our interdependence — it’s not just about individualism.

Your identity is formed by both yourself and your connections with others. When a family member becomes successful, there is often an expectation that they give back and support their loved ones rather than solely pursuing personal goals or wealth. This contrasts with perspectives from other areas, which frequently value independence and individual success most highly.

I have witnessed how this cultural difference plays out in the workplace. Young individuals from African cultures have shared that they often cannot participate in social outings with colleagues because they send a significant portion of their income back home to support their families. This example illustrates how cultural values continue to influence daily life and individual choices.

Understand other people’s perspectives

The ideas we hold about what is “normal” or acceptable are often shaped by social constructs. Language, culture, family, and upbringing all play a role in forming these unwritten rules. They influence our thoughts, behaviours, and perceptions of the world around us.

When we strive to understand other people’s perspectives and their versions of the “truth,” we increase the likelihood of mutual respect and harmony, even when we disagree.

Kind regards

Emsia