As we drove through the gates along the familiar path, stopping in front of the big white house, I knew it would be my last visit. After my family picked me up at Upington Airport, we visited a beautiful retirement village, Belle Rio, along the banks of the Orange River. It is close to Kanoneiland, where my mom grew up.

I was looking forward to spending a few days alone with my mom. It also created an opportunity to discuss the plans for her next chapter with her. Once my sister and her family left for their farm, my mother looked at me seriously and said, “I don’t want to talk about this.“

Kathu

We moved to Kathu the year before I started school. The mine developed this new town, and everyone moved into new mine houses. As the new town developed, some people who did not work for the mine started to build private houses among the mine houses. One of the new private houses near our mine house had a modern architectural design and a beautiful camel thorn tree in the yard. My mom loved this house, and we often went to see how the construction was progressing.

Our own home

Years later, a “For Sale” sign appeared in front of the white house with blue gutters. My parents often had long and serious conversations after that; it was time for them to become homeowners. Shortly before my eleventh birthday, we moved to the new house, carrying everything across the street. For the first time, my sister and I each had our rooms. The swing my father built when we were toddlers also moved with us.

My dad, always a project man, turned this new house into his playground. He built new structures and arranged everything around the house practically and efficiently. He carefully laid out the garden for my mom, whose passion was gardening. People often referred to our home as the house with the beautiful garden. Every Friday after work, my dad would mow the lawn. I sometimes surprised him on Fridays by mowing the lawn before he returned home after work. The smell of freshly cut grass still takes me back to my childhood.

A garden full of cosmos flowers

I always dreamed of a wedding hall filled with cosmos flowers. My parents helped make this dream come true by planting the entire garden with cosmos flowers months before my wedding. My dad tended the garden, transforming the place into a pink and purple paradise.

I offered to mow the lawn the Friday before my wedding, but my dad declined. I felt slightly hurt when he sincerely explained, “Thank you, my love, but I want it done properly.”

We lost my dad at an early age

I lost my father to a heart attack shortly after my thirtieth birthday. He was only 57 years old and still busy building an awning for shade. We tried to find peace in the fact that he passed away doing what he loved.

My mom was the same age as I am now, and his death changed her whole life. She bravely took on all the responsibilities of maintaining the big house and garden. She decorated the home with the most beautiful paintings to help her see beauty in her pain.

As she grew older, managing everything became more difficult. We are grateful to everyone around her who is still compassionately willing to help with maintenance and repairs.

Our mom will celebrate her 80th next year

As my mom’s energy diminishes with age, maintaining the house and garden has become more challenging for her. Most of her friends have passed away in recent years, which has been a significant loss. She has always been loving and deeply involved in the school, community, and church.

We are concerned about her well-being and safety in Kathu, which has expanded due to the mining operations. As her children, we believe it is time for my mom to begin her next chapter. We envision her thriving in a community with pleasant peers, engaging activities, and fewer responsibilities.

Decisions about the last chapter

She needs time to close this chapter and say goodbye to the big white house, cherishing her memories in peace. While we can assist with many things, this is a task she must do on her own, just as she had to learn to live without my father.

Since we haven’t been in her shoes, we’ll give her the time and space to find her answer. My sister and I agreed to honour our mother’s request not to discuss the retirement village. We trust she will know when she is ready for the next chapter.

Kind regards

Emsia