We moved to a new country shortly before my 50th birthday. Two of my sons had to stay behind in South Africa to continue their studies. My youngest son and husband had to adjust to a new school and work environment in a foreign country. I also had to adapt to many changes, including an almost empty nest. At least I could talk about this.

However, I found it much more difficult to talk about what was happening inside my own body. I was entering menopause, and it felt as if I were living in someone else’s skin.

That’s why I have decided to speak openly about a topic and a phase of life that I believe too many women are unprepared for. This topic is menopause, how we experience it and the often-overlooked risk of dependency that can accompany it.

The Overlooked Storm of Midlife

This stage of life often coincides with other stress-inducing transitions. Children leaving home can trigger feelings of loss and emptiness. At the same time, our ageing parents may become ill or increasingly dependent on us. This adds another layer of emotional responsibility. Additionally, our partners may be approaching retirement, and financial uncertainty can heighten anxiety, particularly with questions like, “What will we do with our time?” and “Where will we retire?”

Menopause brings a wide range of physical and emotional symptoms. I expected hot flashes, night sweats, sleep disturbances, and mood swings. However, I was unprepared for the depression, anxiety, and overwhelming sense of purposelessness that followed. The physical changes also took me by surprise. Stubborn belly fat, vaginal and skin dryness, and constant body aches left me feeling disconnected from my own body.

We often speak openly about adolescence and the effects of hormones on teenagers. Yet, we rarely acknowledge the significant hormonal shifts that women experience during menopause, and the emotional toll that it can take.

The Hidden Risk of Midlife Coping Mechanisms

During this life phase, many women face a significant and often overlooked risk. There is a growing reliance on substances and behaviours that provide only temporary relief. They include alcohol, painkillers, and other substances, as well as habits like excessive social media use or compulsive shopping.

Alcohol is normalised and ingrained in our social culture. It is easy to develop a use pattern without recognising the associated dangers. Social pressure often encourages drinking and using other substances. More options are available, so many seek comfort in them. This dependence can be detrimental to some women, consciously or not.

Among older women, the harmful effects of these substances are frequently overlooked or misdiagnosed as conditions like depression or even dementia. Shame or denial can prevent women from seeking help, which only exacerbates the issue.

It’s essential to understand that women metabolise alcohol differently than men, making them more vulnerable to long-term damage, such as liver harm and cognitive decline. Research indicates that alcohol consumption during menopause can worsen symptoms and increase the risk of serious health issues like heart disease and osteoporosis.

How the Brain Turns Pleasure into Craving

I found it fascinating to learn that the brain processes all forms of pleasure in the same way, whether from a drink, a financial reward, a sexual experience, or a delicious meal. In each case, the brain releases a neurotransmitter called dopamine into an area known as the brain’s pleasure centre.

The likelihood that a substance or activity will lead to a problematic relationship depends on three factors: how quickly it triggers dopamine release, how intense that release is, and how consistently it occurs. Even how a person takes a substance, resulting in how quickly it enters the bloodstream, can affect its potential for addiction.

The Role of Dopamine

Dopamine does more than create feelings of pleasure; it also plays a crucial role in learning and memory. These functions can transform something you enjoy into something you crave, prompting you to seek it out.

Over time, the brain adjusts to repeated dopamine surges. This adaptation leads to tolerance, meaning that the same substance or activity no longer produces the same level of pleasure. People often find that what once gave them a satisfying “high” now feels dull unless they increase the amount or frequency.

Even after someone has ended their relationship with a substance or behaviour, the craving for the pleasure it once provided can remain, sometimes for years.

We need to support each other

It’s essential that we, as women, support one another during this phase of life. Simply talking to someone who truly listens can make a world of difference. A few kind words or encouraging messages can mean everything, especially when someone feels low, has lost interest in activities they once enjoyed, or is struggling with self-esteem.

We should reach out to other women, invite them to join us in activities or help them connect with others. These small gestures create opportunities for joy, confidence, and connection.

I will always be grateful to the women who reached out to me when I needed it most. Through their support, I’ve built beautiful new friendships that enrich my life.

Kind regards

Emsia