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Choose to see potential and possibility

Choose to see potential and possibility

I recently received an unexpected message from a journalist from the South African magazine, Rooi Rose. She was planning an article on ways to celebrate the many facets of life.

She needed a few words from me about celebrating family. Her request spoke to several of my passions.

Dewitt Jones, a National Geographic photographer

Her inspiration for the article was a video by Dewitt Jones, a National Geographic photographer – Celebrate what is right with the world.

Ten years ago, I saw my first Dewitt Jones video – There is more than one right answer. I’ve watched it probably fifty times since then and used it while facilitating strategic planning sessions for organizations. On a personal level, Dewitt was like a mentor to me, and his wisdom and insight spoke to me.

As a small boy, Dewitt Jones found inspiration from National Geographic magazines. Beautiful photos showed him the possibilities that the world has to offer. In his role as a photographer, he learned that one must use creativity and change lenses and perspectives until one sees potential in a situation. He said,

Through that lens of Celebration, I saw that there is far more right with the world than wrong with it. Always something to celebrate and be grateful for.

I share some of Dewitt’s wisdom that speaks to me.

We must learn to see possibilities and potential in situations

As humans, we tend to be quick to find fault. In addition, the media also constantly confronts us with fear, scarcity, and competition. This tendency later affects the attitude and way in which we look at the world around us.

We must choose to see possibility and potential and believe that it is there. If we believe that the right things and people will be there at the right time, we will start to notice them. Once we begin to see possibilities, it gives us the energy to find solutions and go through change.

Change creates momentum and opportunity. We cannot control change but must harness its energy to take us where we want to be.

We must find joy in our day job

It is inspirational to watch people who work with passion and joy. Some people are lucky to find work aligned with their love and interest. They get their energy from what they do.

However, many others perform a day job they took out of need rather than choice. Some people manage to carry out their day job with a positive attitude because they look through a lens of gratitude and focus on the opportunity of making a difference.

Looking at situations the right way is only possible if you start each day with the necessary energy and passion. We must, therefore, make time for those things that give us joy and energy so that they can spill over into our day job.

Opportunities and challenges dance together

The request to write something about how we celebrate our family forced me to reflect on the past four years. I have concluded that opportunities and challenges dance together. An opportunity came our way but challenged us tremendously as a family. However, if I use the right lens, I can see how the challenges have created opportunities for us as individuals and as a family. I share below my contribution to the article for the January 2023 edition of the Rooi Rose magazine.

We celebrate each other as individuals and family

An exceptional job opportunity in Switzerland crossed our path in 2019. However, opportunities and challenges dance together. Charl had to adapt to a new German-speaking work environment, and Zander had to an international school with German and Spanish as new languages. I had to leave my two eldest sons and family behind in South Africa. Jacques, a second-year student, and Christo, a matriculant, had to learn to stand on their own two feet.

Distance and challenges helped us look at each other through new lenses. With a fresh perspective, we now see inner strength and perseverance instead of shortcomings. I tell my loved ones how proud I am when I see how they use their creativity to see possibilities and use their talents to make a difference. My sons say more often, “I appreciate it. I miss Mom. I love Mom.”

I share my heart in my letters home to family and friends and enjoy the conversations, messages, photos, and music I receive in return. We got to know and appreciate each other on a deeper level. I consider the warm voice full of the love of my mom and listening to worship services of RSG with her as a privilege. The sense of humour of my sister is medicine for my soul.

Touch is my love language, and my heart rejoiced when I could hold my sons tightly against me again after the Covid period at the airport. We went to South Africa with suitcases full of gifts specially chosen for everyone. We celebrate each other by sharing precious traditions and stories and having fun together. We find joy in discovering new places and things together and thus build memories.

Family members are supporters and witnesses of our unique life journeys. We are grateful for and celebrate each other as individuals and family!

regards

Emsia

The layer of fog that clouds my mind

The layer of fog that clouds my mind

During November, Zurich is almost permanently shrouded in a fog layer. When we open the curtains in the morning, it looks like a white wall on the outside. Sometimes the fog stays all day. On other days, the dark silhouettes of buildings and trees become more visible as the sun rises.

The Swiss warned us about the fog from the beginning. The fog layer has a depressing impact because it is dark, and you feel trapped. On weekends, many people visit their homes in the mountains to enjoy the sunlight and temporarily escape the fog.

My Eglisau message

The autumn colours in Switzerland are exceptional this year. I was excited about a sunny day because I wanted to take pictures in the village of Eglisau with its beautiful vineyards along the Rhein River. My disappointment was huge when the whole town was shrouded in fog. I decided to stay in the hope that the haze would clear.

After a while, I realized how beautiful and mysterious everything appears in the fog and that I must appreciate things just the way they are and stop clinging to my picture. I get this message regularly but still struggle with it sometimes.

A worldwide layer of fog

Travelling to new places and cultures is one of the things Charl and I enjoy doing together. We were very excited about the opportunity to live in Switzerland for a few years because of the possibility of exploring Europe without long flights and a Schengen visa application. However, Covid has fallen around us all like a thick layer of fog.

The country’s borders were closed for a long time and reopened only recently. The Covid situation forced us to discover Switzerland. We visited many beautiful places and had experiences we would have missed if Europe had been open. Worldwide, the restrictions forced people to look with new eyes at the beauty of their own country and environment. In the process, many people discovered gems that they had previously overlooked.

In the fog, I saw my own family more clearly

Christmas time is synonymous with family time. Christmas markets and celebrations provide great excitement. Last year there was only one big silence. Due to all the strict rules, we spent the Christmas holidays inside our apartment. We ordered creative projects online and kept ourselves busy. All three of us later admitted that it was a precious and peaceful time and that we enjoyed each other’s company.

From the beginning, we planned to visit South Africa and my sons Switzerland once a year. After their first visit in December 2019, we could not see each other again. It was an exceptionally dense fog to me. The distance and situation encouraged us to connect more often and engage deeper. I consequently got to know my sons differently. I write more about this in my letter with the title words have become my lifeline.

The fog teaches me to enjoy the now.

The fog has become a metaphor for me and reminds me to enjoy the present situation. I must stop clinging so tightly to my picture of “perfect” that I overlook the beauty around me.

In the fog, our usual familiar environment appears mysterious. The fog dims the background and makes the most critical items stand out. It helps us focus on the elements that are indeed visible. The fog layer is not permanent. It will clear up, and the sun will shine again.

Regards

Emsia

Dirt road lessons about balance

Dirt road lessons about balance

During the last few months of the year, there are more tasks than time. For large parts of my life, I have felt this way throughout the year.

Between raising children, a career, a clean home, healthy meals, exercise, and volunteering, having balance was a challenge. I later believed I had balance if things did not fall apart.

Dirt road lessons

However, I learned a valuable lesson about balance after getting a flat tire on a dirt road. After the mechanic helped me, he recommended that I balance and align the wheels and explain what damage the lack thereof can cause to a vehicle.

This preventative measure prolongs the life of the tires.  In addition, it has a positive impact on their performance and other aspects such as fuel consumption. Often the lack of balance and alignment are not noticeable. However, we can see and experience the impact of it when it is too late.

Balancing my car wheels was easy. The question, however, was how do I find balance in my own life? It was clear to me that the lack of balance could cause immense damage to my life and relationships. When you have balance within yourself, you manage to stay calm during chaos. Balance is a decision. However, it remains for me a pursuit and something I must consciously pay attention to, just as I must regularly balance my car’s wheels.

Life lessons about balance on the path of life

I learned some valuable lessons in my pursuit of having balance in my life:

  • One thing at a time. I can do anything I want, but I cannot do everything, especially not everything at once. I must decide what is important to me and give priority to it. It is important to focus on one thing at a time or, everything else suffers harm. I cannot write a report and listen to my child’s story at the same time.
  • Want-to-do activities are also important. I need to make time for both the must-do activities as well as the want-to-do activities. The things I do for pleasure or fulfilment help me complete the must-do activities with positive energy. Painting a picture or having a conversation with a friend may not seem essential.  However, it helps me be a friendly and patient wife and mom.
  • Live healthily. I need to eat healthy and nutritious meals, drink enough water and exercise regularly. Sleep is critical to feeling fresh and full of energy. When I sleep too little, I am sensitive, and small challenges suddenly become mountains.
  • Learn to say no. I have an exaggerated sense of responsibility. It causes me to say yes to too many must-do-activities and to postpone too many want-to-do activities. I had to learn to say yes and no in line with my priorities. I had to learn to see and treat myself like a best friend.
  • Ask for help. I find it difficult to ask for help in the fear that I may bother someone or look incompetent. On the other hand, I experience it positively if someone else asks for my help, and I can contribute. I now understand that we need each other in marriage, family, circle of friends and community. We cannot do this thing called life alone.

Conclusion

Our lives, like a wheel, need balance. A tyre or wheel that is out of balance wobbles and causes damage. Sometimes it is necessary to stop for a while and do what is required to find balance again. You are welcome to contact me if a conversation with a coach can be of value to you.

regards

Emsia

Black Forest cake and cuckoo clocks

Black Forest cake and cuckoo clocks

We celebrated Zander’s 13th birthday in the Black Forest in southwestern Germany. It is known for its cuckoo clocks, black forest cake and The Grimm brothers’ fairy tales. From afar, the forest appears black because the trees grow so densely.

Triberg and tourism

We spent most of our time in the tourist town of Triberg. After we showed our Covid certificates, the owners of the hotel and restaurants received us very friendly.

I admired the most beautiful traditional clothes of the sales and service staff. The men wear leather pants with suspender belts and waistcoats. The women wear colourful skirts with white lace blouses rounded off with an apron. We could understand the area’s German quite well, and the people politely tolerated our efforts to speak it.

Cuckoo Clocks

The area is known for its cuckoo clocks. It is quite an experience to visit such a shop since the clocks play the most beautiful tunes, and the cuckoo sounds remind you of the forest. We also viewed the largest cuckoo clock in the world. It is therapeutic to look a the giant gearwork. Some of the cuckoo clocks are unique and sought-after collectable items.

A German clockmaker, Franz Ketterer, invented the first cuckoo clock with the cuckoo bird and sounds during the 1600s. Double bellows that send air through small pipes create the sound.

Forest and waterfalls

Germany’s highest waterfalls are in Triberg, and we visited the park. Several footpaths lead you to the 164m falls. The atmosphere is calm with the green forest that shows signs of yellow. I loved the sound of falling water mixed with beautiful bird sounds. We even saw some squirrels excited about the peanuts that the visitors handed out. The squirrels in Europe are much darker in colour than the South African squirrels.

Black Forest Cake

We promised Zander a big slice of black forest cake for his birthday. It is a popular treat, and guests can order it with or without alcohol. It consisted of several layers of chocolate sponge cake interspersed with cream and cherries and was rich and delicious.

The Hotel that was once a clock factory

We stayed in St. George on Saturday night. The hotel interested me because it used to be a clock factory for 130 years. In 2016 the new owners converted it into the hotel FederWERK with the restaurant FeinWERK. In the corridors, black and white photos of people working in the factory hang on the walls. 

We kicked Zander’s 13th birthday off with coffee on the veranda while we watched the sunrise over the Black Forest. I always feel a little emotional and deeply grateful on my children’s birthdays for having them in my life. Zander’s wisdom, compassion, and sense of humour are like sunshine in this Switzerland period. The weather was gracious with us because an hour later, during breakfast, it started raining with thunder.

The outing and the weather worked out perfectly.

regards

Emsia

Change helps develop our resilience

Change helps develop our resilience

Change is something we all will experience during our lives. We experience changes in our work, relationships, health, community, and the world. Sometimes we are planning a change and are aware that a change is going to take place. However, in many cases, the change appears unexpectedly in front of our doors and surprises us.

Our ability to handle change positively is called resilience. On the sports field, your fitness determines how fast you recover after intense exercise. In the same way, your resilience will determine how effectively you will recover mentally and emotionally after life-changing events. Fortunately, we can practice and improve our ability to handle change.

The phases of change

According to experts, change consists of three phases. The first phase is finishing, parting, and closing with accompanying loss and relief. Second is the in-between phase, as the trapeze artist in the circus lets go of the bar on one side but is uncertain if the bar will be on the other end at the right time and place. The third phase is the new beginning. It usually brings an element of excitement but also the uncertainty of whether you can handle the new challenge.

Reflection on my life changes

Leaving the nest

My first significant change was when I left my parent’s house after school. The distance and adjustment to residence and university life challenged me in many ways. At the end of my first year, I was 15 kg heavier and all my new clothes too tight. Every time I must adjust to change as an adult, I appear as a confused student in my dreams and do not know what’s going on or what class I should attend. In my dreams, I have visited many universities worldwide as a confused and insecure student.

Working in London

We went to work in London as young adults. This adjustment was next level, and I was out of my depth. My biggest problem was that I could not speak English properly. In addition, as a child from the Kalahari, city life and the grey weather were significant adjustments. London, however, helped me get to know myself better and improve my perseverance and resilience. I share more about my experience in England in my letter with the title, Grappling with Languages.

Divorce and remarriage

My adjustment as a divorced woman with two little boys was challenging on a practical and social level. We found a new routine over time, and I learned new home and garden maintenance skills. However, once we got comfortable in our new lifestyle, Charl started to form part of our picture. Charl’s adaptation was enormous as he suddenly had to help raise two boys even though he had never lived in a house with children. He did not have the faintest idea of what he was letting himself in.

Relocating to Switzerland

Moving to Switzerland is our most recent significant change. I shared more about it in my letter on Lifestyle changes in Switzerland. I know that every change and adjustment I have had to make so far has helped me prepare for the adjustments in a new country. Who knows what changes await me in the future?

Resilience during change

I learned that the following help with resilience as we go through change:

  • Identify the aspects that you do have control over. It’s easy to get entangled in the many situations you cannot control. It is, therefore, critical to seek opportunities to empower yourself to work towards change.
  • See change as an opportunity. Changes allow you to reconsider your priorities. You can decide how to spend your time and what is important to you.
  • Be your own best friend and take good care of yourself. It is normal to feel emotional during change. It is necessary to be patient with yourself and live with awareness. You should reflect on your thought patterns and ensure rational thinking. Both routine and regular physical exercise have a positive impact.
  • Talk to someone. When you try to explain all your many thoughts to someone, it helps with your perspective, and you feel lighter. If you are not comfortable chatting with friends or family, you are welcome to contact me as an independent coach.

All the best to you if you are dealing with change.

Kind regards

Emsia

I am a product of my decisions

I am a product of my decisions

We all must make some significant decisions during our lives. These decisions have a substantial impact on us but also affect the people close to us. The implications of these decisions can last for years or even decades.  As a result, it is sometimes stressful to make big decisions and requires a lot of courage.

The years directly after school

Young adults must decide how to spend their precious years directly after school. This time is crucial to prepare themselves for the rest of their lives. This decision impacts the knowledge they acquire, the skills they develop and the people they meet.

Some young adults are clear on what they want to do and work according to a plan. They have clarity on the why, what, and how questions. However, others are unsure how they want to spend these critical years. Their initial plans sometimes do not work out or are very different from their parents` views. It can be a very stressful period for young adults and their parents. In my letter, leaving the nest, I share more about my experience as a parent.

Relationships

Everyone makes decisions about relationships. Other people’s impact on you is significant, and you must therefore decide who you allow into your inner circle and where your boundaries lie. It becomes challenging when you realise it is time to end a close relationship. It usually happens because the relationship is no longer constructive, and long-term goals and values are no longer aligned. These decisions cause great conflict, loss, and sadness.

Career

In a rapidly changing world, a few people’s types or places of work remain the same during their careers. Career decisions affect your financial planning and personal growth. It also affects the level of fulfilment and peace of mind you experience. Sometimes you do not have control over career decisions. Businesses close, retrenchments happen or hiring criteria change to promote diversity in inclusivity. In these situations, you only have control over your reactions and actions.

Relocation

Career decisions, relationships, or life stages usually drive relocation decisions. It requires a lot of change and adjustment. In my letter entitled, big, difficult decisions, I share more about the decision and impact of our move from South Africa to Switzerland.

Lessons learned from my own life decisions

We seldom have certainty about what the right decision is in each situation. We take a step in faith and give it our best. Many of my life decisions did not work out as I had planned. I ended up with a career very different from what I studied, and my first marriage ended in divorce. However, I am infinitely grateful for the life experience and personal growth that resulted from the decisions.  They have contributed to a colourful journey.

I have also learned over the years that the lack of a life decision when it is needed can steal a lot of peace. Courage is also a decision.

Considerations during life-changing decisions

We often make life-changing decisions based on “gut feeling”. However, you must evaluate for yourselves how the decision:

• Influence your vision, life purpose and long-term goals;

• Affect different aspects of your life to avoid being so focused on one aspect and in the process fail to think about the impact on all other aspects; and

• Support your values. Personal values are the things that are important to us and have a significant impact on our happiness in life, sense of pride, and personal fulfilment.

No one can make life-changing decisions on your behalf. However, you are welcome to contact me if you need the help of an independent coach to help you arrive at your answer.

regards

Emsia

Life’s purpose and meaning questions

Life’s purpose and meaning questions

Why are we here? What is it that we offer? How can we present our offering in a way that sets us apart? Simon Sinek explains in a popular TED Talk how the most successful organizations think, act, and communicate if they start with Why. There are similarities between the questions that organizations need to ask themselves and what we as individuals need to ask ourselves.

Personal purpose and meaning

Each of us arrives as a unique individual on earth to contribute to a better society. During our first 18 years, our parents and help us prepare for the cause. We also discover some of our passions and talents. During our late teenage years, we begin to ask ourselves the Why, What and How questions. Having a purpose is an important aspect of a fulfilling and meaningful life.

Some people answer these big questions through meaningful, satisfying work. For others, their purpose lies in their responsibilities to their family or friends. Some people manage to live out their purpose in all aspects of their lives. There are many ways in which we can live out our purpose.

Change is the only constant in life

The one certainty of life is that it is constantly changing. Circumstances around us change, but life experiences and phases cause inner change to take place as well. Change in circumstances can lead to a change in the way we contribute. Sometimes a feeling of boredom, unmotivated, or uselessness causes us to ask the “Why”, “What”, and “How” questions.

The way we live out our purpose and contribute can be very different during different phases of our lives. However, there are always needs around us that we can address through our knowledge, skills, and experience. Usually, it requires us to get out of our comfort zone. It is, however, very fulfilling to live out your purpose.

My own journey with purpose and contribution

People and personal growth are topics close to my heart. I have, therefore, years ago completed a Diploma in Coaching. During the training, we had to articulate our “purpose”. I thought about the role I have played in various circumstances over the years and considered my values. It also helped to obtain the perceptions and opinions of people close to me. I expressed my purpose as follows:

Putting my “purpose” into words helped me identifying ways to put it into practice. I was motivated to take the necessary risks and tackle challenges to move forward.

After all the change and adjustment in Switzerland, I again reached the point where I had to confront myself with the Why, What and How questions? I decided to contribute through coaching. I would like to use the skills and techniques I learned along with my life experiences to help others find answers to their questions.

Please Contact Me if you are at that point where you are thinking about your big life questions and can find value in a coaching process to help you find the answers to these questions in a structured way.

regards

Emsia