Raising resilient and responsible adults
Young children often enjoy answering questions about their age. My son Christo never responded with his current age. Instead, he would say, “I am busy turning 6 or 7.” My boys have always been eager to take charge of their lives. Now that my eldest two have reached the age where they can care for themselves, they reflect on how carefree childhood was. This reflection tells me that they are now confronting the responsibilities and challenges of adulthood.
As a mother, I now watch from a distance as each of my children navigates adulthood. Zander, now “busy turning 17,” once observed my worries during his older siblings’ teenage years. When he was just seven years old, he offered me his childlike wisdom: “Mom, teenagers are like cats—they always come home to eat,” and “Mom, if you are worried, it helps to keep yourself busy.”
Now, Zander is that teenager. His bedroom door is closed and his schedule is packed, but at least he still comes home to eat. Our time with him and our opportunities to prepare him for adulthood are slipping away. I try to apply the lessons I learned from parenting my older two, striving to support him intentionally while giving him the space he needs to grow and discover life on his own.
How should we prepare our children, and for what purpose?
As parents, we must equip our children with the skills, mindset, and values to navigate an ever-changing world with confidence and resilience. Reflecting on the fact that we are constantly setting an example in these areas reminds me of the profound responsibility that comes with parenthood.
Relationship with God, Self, and Others
It is important to me that my children develop a personal relationship with God. I am acutely aware of how unique each child’s faith journey is. My role has been to plant the seeds of faith, nurture their curiosity, and trust that God will strengthen their relationship with Him in His perfect timing. As a family, we often recognise and share moments of God’s presence in nature and through life’s small blessings. I cherish every photo they send me of Creation’s beauty, reminding us of His handiwork.
Our children need to take the time to understand themselves and learn how to identify, manage, and healthily express their emotions. At the same time, we all must practice listening with empathy, respecting different perspectives, and trying to understand others. Our children closely observe our actions and behaviours while navigating their relationships.
Open conversations with them are essential, but finding the right moments can be challenging, especially during the teenage years. When we lived in South Africa, I drove my boys to school, which gave us valuable time to talk. Zander takes the train to school, so I must find new ways to connect with him. We eat together, and I often invite him for gelato by the lake to spend quality time together.
Critical Thinking, Problem-Solving, and Life Skills
As parents, we play a crucial role in teaching our children problem-solving skills. However, they can only truly learn and build confidence by facing challenges.
I used to jump in immediately to help my children through their struggles, eager to solve their problems alongside them. But when we moved to Switzerland, I believe my Creator intentionally placed me on the other side of the world so I could learn to step back. I had to practice listening from a distance and offering advice only when they asked.
It’s also important not to be limited by traditional gender roles. Before I started working, my dad taught me how to change a car tyre. I had to practice it until he was confident, I could handle it. Similarly, my boys have been baking cookies and preparing meals together since they were little. One of them has even turned his passion for baking into a business.
Financial responsibility was another key lesson I wanted to instil in my children. During their student years, we created a budget together at the beginning of each year. Whenever unexpected expenses arose, we would discuss how to address them as a team. They had to find ways to earn money to keep their finances afloat. I watched them learn to manage their finances, make thoughtful adjustments, and support each other as friends when necessary.
Adaptability in an Ever-Changing World
We must equip our children with the skills to navigate an unpredictable world and face life’s challenges. No one knows what the future holds, and difficulties often arise unexpectedly. Our goal is to teach them to be flexible and to adapt without breaking.
To achieve this, we should help them view failures as learning opportunities and emphasise their effort, perseverance, and problem-solving skills rather than just their successes. By leading by example, we can approach challenges with curiosity rather than fear.
Since children learn best through experience, we must provide opportunities that push them beyond their comfort zones. For instance, I was terrified when Zander, at 15, wanted to spend six weeks in Australia on an exchange program. However, I had to learn that letting go is part of parenting. The personal growth we witnessed in him was incredible.
The way we perceive and discuss change influences our children. If we embrace change as a natural part of life, they will learn to do the same, realising that change can lead to growth and new opportunities for both them and us.
I am learning from my children now
As our children mature into adulthood, our relationship transforms into one of mutual learning and inspiration. We no longer guide them; they teach us as well. I am grateful for this shift because, as we age, it becomes increasingly challenging to keep up with the rapid pace of change in the world.
We continue to learn from each other’s perspectives and support one another through challenges. They inspire me in unexpected and different ways.
Regards,
Emsia
