Letters Home

As a mom who has guided two teenagers into young adulthood, one might assume I would be better prepared for Zanders’ request. However, his suggestion to address a need to stretch himself still caught me off guard. I needed to evaluate my 15-year-old son’s needs objectively. It was helpful to reflect on my adult sons` needs, actions and development when they were around the same age.

Jacques

The first request of my eldest son that caught me off guard came during his grade 11 year. Jacques wanted to go on a teenage holiday with his best friend and peers. The plan involved his friend’s older brother, a student, driving them 400km to Hartenbos. It was a situation I hadn’t encountered before, and my mind raced with concerns about potential risks. I made a quick decision and said no.

The friend’s mom drew on her expertise as a psychologist and reassured me in a message. She acknowledged that it is common for parents to feel and react this way, especially with their oldest child. She assured me that all the young people involved were responsible and that they could benefit by taking steps toward independence. I still remember her comment that a mother’s perspective and approach to such situations often evolve when dealing with a second and third child.

However, before making a final decision, I needed to step back and apply my analytical approach. My request marked Jacques’ first significant lesson in understanding the concept of risks and the importance of implementing control measures. I asked him to compile a list of all the concerns I might have regarding his proposed trip. Additionally, for each risk identified, he was tasked with suggesting measures that would alleviate my worries. To my surprise, Jacques put considerable effort into my request and generated solutions for potential concerns beyond what I had anticipated.

In addition to enjoying a memorable holiday, Jacques unexpectedly benefited from his efforts in a completely different manner. A question on the English Grade 12 final exam paper required students to write a letter of motivation persuading parents to permit them to go on a Grade 12 holiday with friends.

Christo

Christo had a bustling social calendar, and ferrying him around became a regular task. In a bid for independence, he proposed a motorcycle, which ended up causing me premature ageing. One night, when he failed to return home on time, my mind raced with visions of a potential accident.

My anxiety kept Charl awake as well. Sensing my distress, he offered to help me contact the emergency units of various hospitals. The first hospital we reached had just admitted a casualty from a motorcycle accident. However, upon learning that the patient spoke English, I realised it was not Christo. It took a lot of self-control to wait till the following day before I was in a better emotional state to share my experience and perspective of the situation with him.

During his grade 11 year, Christo wanted to participate in an outreach program to Zambia. Africa scared me, but the fact that it was a school-organized trip gave me more comfort. It proved to be an incredible opportunity to broaden his perspective on the world.

While there, the young participants stayed with Zambian families, immersing themselves in the local culture. Christo recounted stories of joining the family’s children in catching a chicken for dinner, plucking it, and adding it to the pot. Despite having limited resources, the Zambian hosts treated their visitors with the utmost hospitality. They offered them the meat while they consumed only maize porridge with the meat sauce. This experience deeply touched my teenage son’s compassionate heart.

Zander

Zander wanted to participate in an exchange program offered through the Round Square organization at his school. The arrangement enabled a student from another country to stay with us for six weeks, attending school alongside Zander. Subsequently, Zander reciprocates the visit, spending six weeks in the student’s home country, attending their school. Since Zander yearned for the ocean, he was thrilled when the exchange matched him with a student his age from Perth, allowing him to attend a school near the coast.

The idea of sending my 15-year-old son alone on a plane to Australia to live with strangers for six weeks was daunting. We promptly arranged an online meeting with the family to ease my apprehension. Following our virtual encounter, I felt significantly reassured. There was an immediate connection, and their way of life felt familiar.

We are eagerly anticipating Campbell’s arrival in Zurich just after the Easter weekend. He is excited to experience snow for the first time and wants to practice his French, which he is taking as an Additional Language in school. We have promised to take him to the Alps to experience snow and to visit a French-speaking area in Switzerland. Campbell was thrilled to learn we had booked train tickets for a long weekend trip to Paris.

Scotch College, Perth

Zander and Campbell will fly to Perth together in May. Zander will be attending Scotch College Boys’ School along with Campbell. He will wear the school uniform and join the Chapel service once a week. Additionally, Zander will participate in the hall assembly on Fridays, witnessing the boys marching in house groups to the tunes of the College Pipe Band. Renowned for its excellence, the College Pipe Band frequently performs at International Tattoos.

In addition, Zander will participate in the school’s mandatory sports and community service programs. The latter offers students a chance to express their Christian values in a tangible way in practice. Scotch College works with various organisations, including, among others, Disabled Surfing, Second Bite (which redistributes food), Salvation Army, and People Who Care.

Letting our children go is an act of love

I am happy that my children are challenging themselves. In the process, they also challenge me and help me to grow and discover the world through their experiences.

Our challenge, as parents, is to recognise that holding on may feel comforting. Letting our children go and allowing them to grow and flourish is a profound act of love. We must support and celebrate their increasing independence. When they are confident in their ability to stand on their own feet, they will return, and we will have an enduring bond of loving interdependence that lasts a lifetime.

Regards

Emsia