Letters Home

I met Anton 30 years ago when he worked at the town library in Stellenbosch. After asking for my name, he inquired about my date of birth. He told me I was born on a Thursday, which amazed me. Anton was the first person on the autism spectrum I ever met. His exceptional talent for remembering dates and numbers impressed me.

Anton’s book about his life

I recently had the privilege of meeting Anton again. My friend Marna gifted me Anton’s autobiography and arranged for him to sign it with a personal message for me. Despite the pouring rain, he arrived at the agreed time and place, riding his black bicycle and wearing a raincoat. This time, I felt more prepared for our interaction. I understand that people with autism often find social relationships challenging, but he was very polite. He even told Zander what day he was born. When Anton greeted me, he said, “I met you in 1995 as well. Goodbye Emsia”

Anton documented his mother’s influence on his life

His book, Ek Onthou (I remember), highlighting his mother’s determination and impact as a parent, deeply moved me. One day, while in Stellenbosch, a pickpocket attacked Anton and stole his notebook. When his brother asked him months later what had been in the book, Anton replied that it was “an essay about Mom.” He felt compelled to commemorate his mother, who had already passed away, and her role in shaping his life. His three brothers encouraged and supported him to write a book about his life. Additionally, a schoolmate and journalist, Bun Booyens, assisted him in preparing the manuscript for publication.

People in Anton’s life

Anton’s mother was determined that he should fill his place in society with dignity. She spent countless hours helping him with his studies at Paul Roos Gymnasium, Stellenbosch.  Her priority was to enable him to continue his studies for as long as possible. Friends assisted him with tasks he struggled to complete. However, he also faced difficulties from other boys who made his life harder.

Reading about how Anton and his brothers lost their mother to cancer at a young age was heartbreaking. Anton’s brother Corrie wrote,  “I understand my parents’ decision to take Anton out of their familiar world and send him to Olyfkrans College. Anton had come to a crossroads in his life. Our mother also realised that her life was coming to an end. He was now an adult who had to leave his parents’ home, with the fear that his mother would soon leave him too.”

Reading about the role that Anton’s father and his three brothers played in his life, especially after his mother’s death, was truly inspiring. I gained so much insight from Anton’s experiences and his book detailing them. The book is one of those gifts of love from the heart that continues to provide value long after you finish reading it.

My sons’ brother Liam

There was a little boy who significantly impacted my awareness of autism.

His name is Liam, and he is Denise’s son. After my divorce from Gert, he married Denise when Liam was still a baby. Gert, who already had two older sons, quickly noticed that Liam’s developmental stages did not align with his expectations. Specialists diagnosed Liam on the autism spectrum.

Adjusting to the new situation was challenging for everyone, including Jacques, who was then 6 years old, and Christo, who was 4. They also needed to learn how to interact appropriately with Liam. Each individual diagnosed with autism has a unique experience, and the autism spectrum is not a linear journey. The accompanying picture helped improve my understanding of this.

We decided to take Jacques and Christo to a psychologist, who assisted them in better grasping Liam’s experiences and behaviours. Through this support, they quickly learned how to handle situations with Liam appropriately and understood the importance of giving him space when he felt overwhelmed by sensory input.

Liam found a special place in my heart

Liam was an energetic and passionate boy. Every other weekend, he would accompany Gert when he came to pick up Jacques and Christo. He would excitedly jump out of the car to greet me. Liam also went with Gert to the boys’ sports events. I appreciated his smile and enthusiasm.

Liam played a significant role in shaping my perspective and internal processing of our divorce. I observed how Gert supported and assisted Denise, and I could begin to understand how this fits into our Father’s bigger plan. Gert and Denise also helped me deepen my understanding of autism by sharing books for me to read. Liam has a passion for fashion, colour, dance, and music. I enjoy the music videos that Denise helps him create in the beautiful setting where they live.

Liam is an outspoken Christian and a voice for those not treated equally or fairly. He turned 21 last year, and it is good to see the special brotherly bond between Jacques, Christo, and him. Liam has significantly influenced their feelings and actions, creating a deep compassion. They easily stand up for others who, for various reasons, find it difficult to do so themselves.

I admire the dedication of parents raising children on the autism spectrum

The lives of Anton and Liam have deeply touched me. I’ve developed greater compassion and respect for parents of children on the autism spectrum, learning from their commitment to providing the best opportunities.

Kind regards

Emsia

The Orange River, the longest river in South Africa, weaves through our family’s history like a golden thread. My parents grew up along its banks, where they also met. My father, Christo, was raised in Upington, while my mother, Lenie, grew up in Kanoneiland. Many of our relatives still farm along the river today. During a recent visit, the breathtaking sunsets reminded me just how fitting the name “Orange River” truly is.

My grandfather was one of the early settlers of Kanoneiland

My grandfather, Barend Engelbrecht, was one of the early settlers of Kanoneiland, the largest island in the Orange River. Thanks to its fertile soil and abundant water, Kanoneiland became a thriving irrigation area. He settled there during the Depression years. They built the first bridge in 1940. Before then, the island’s earliest inhabitants arrived at their new home by raft, boat, and floating bridges.

The Orange River is not safe for swimming

We enjoy visiting the Orange River as a family.

On one of those trips, the water level was low, and my eldest son, Jacques, and I decided to swim to the opposite bank of the river despite my mother’s warnings. We noticed a sandbank among the reeds where we planned to rest before swimming back.

However, as we approached the sandbank, we encountered a family of monitor lizards waiting for us. Alarmed, we quickly turned around and tried to swim back upstream. I struggled to make it, and Jacques had to help me out of the river. Another danger of the Orange River is the presence of hazardous whirlpools that can pull you in. Many people have drowned because of these.

The Orange River both gives and takes away

The Orange River is often prone to flooding, and during these times, the Augrabies Falls become a magnificent sight.

However, flooding can cause significant damage to established fields. My Aunt Barry shared many stories about how they lost their vineyards and belongings to flood damage several times during the 1960s and 1970s. On several occasions, a helicopter rescued them, and they had to stay in a warehouse until the water levels went down. Due to the impact of the floods, they had to start over from scratch three times.

My cousin and her family operate a farm that produces fruits and vegetables for Europe, located near the Augrabies Falls. Tragically, at the end of 2021, their young adult son drowned in the Orange River during a flood.

Family Outings Along the Orange River

As a family, we have cherished memories of our outings along the banks of the Orange River. Ten years ago, we celebrated my mother’s 70th birthday in Keimoes, a place of significance as she completed her final years of school there.

Upington Riverbank Lodge

It was only fitting to celebrate my mother’s 80th birthday with family along the Orange River during Easter weekend. We stayed at the Riverbank Lodge in Upington. Every evening, we enjoyed braais and made potjiekos by the river while watching the sun set in golden hues.

The lodge featured a swimming pool and a beautiful lawn where the cousins played with a ball, often under the watchful eyes of monkeys in the trees.

In the morning, we greeted the new day during sunrise on the long stoep with a cup of coffee and rusks. We also ended the day on the stoep, enjoying rooibos tea paired with Swiss chocolate.

My mother and I shared a room, and the alone time with her was the most precious experience. We would lie in bed and talk late into the night, often giggling like teenagers as we reminisced about events from the past.

African Vineyard Hotel in Kanoneiland

The African Vineyard Hotel was the perfect place to celebrate my mom’s 80th birthday in Kanoneiland, where she spent her childhood. The hotel set up a long table underneath a grape arbour, reminiscent of her early years. We decorated the table with golden yellow tablecloths, vibrant flowers, Porchie napkins, and Lindt chocolate.

The food was delicious, and the cutlery was stylish. It created a wonderful atmosphere for our family to share stories around the long table. Our young adult children had the opportunity to reconnect and get to know each other better. They fully took advantage of the beautiful venue to capture stunning family photos.

Contentment

With a heart full of love and a mind full of memories, we boarded the plane in Upington to begin our journey back to Switzerland. As we ascended, Zander and I gazed down for one last time, watching the Orange River snake its way across the land as it made its timeless journey to the sea.

Regards

Emsia

Nothing is ever truly certain. Despite this, I can usually greet each new day with joy. However, sometimes, the uncertainty of personal or global circumstances weighs me down. When I feel overwhelmed, I often encounter situations or receive words of encouragement from unusual places or people. I see it as messages from Above, delivered in different ways. They bring light to my life.

Words that brought peace

One cold winter morning, I sat on the train, lost in my troublesome thoughts, when my eye caught graffiti on a construction site. The words, written in German, made me pause. Slowly, I read them, trying to understand, “Ich leg Mein Leben nur in Gottes Hand.” – “I put my life only in God’s hands”

It struck me that someone had written this — illegally, no less — in life-sized letters for every passing train passenger to see. I wondered who else, like me, had found comfort in those red spray-painted words.

I have discovered that reading Bible verses or passages in various languages can be surprisingly helpful. Every language conveys ideas differently, offering new perspectives and often enhancing my understanding.

Words of recognition from a stranger

Later that same day, I took the train back home. As I boarded, I noticed my German friend sitting with another friend, and they warmly invited me to join them. We had a wonderful conversation and discovered that my friend’s mother, like mine, would soon be celebrating her 80th birthday. I shared how we had put together a book for my mother that contained stories and anecdotes spanning over 80 years.

Near the end of the journey, a woman around our age, whom I didn’t know, stood up to leave. Just before stepping off the train, she pressed a small white piece of paper into my hand. Confusion washed over me; I assumed she was asking for help. Carefully, I started reading the handwritten message.

The message

Dear Stranger

Sorry for eavesdropping, but I wanted to let you know that I loved your idea to ask friends and family to share stories about your mom and turn it into a book. You inspired me! I did something similar, showing my mom how rich her life (90 years) was by collecting photos of the last 50 years (my age) and turned them into a book called “Happy Moments.”

I managed to thank her quickly before she left the train, but I wished I had her name and number to make contact for a proper conversation. My German friend assumed I knew the woman and wondered why I had not invited her to join us. She was even more surprised when she learned the note was from a stranger. “This doesn’t happen in Switzerland!” she remarked, reflecting on how private people’s lives often are.

The woman’s note truly brightened my day. There’s a saying, “Kindness is igniting a light in someone else for no reason other than to watch them glow.” The woman was both brave and kind. I believe that her impulsive gesture not only helped others but also made her feel good. I’ve read that small acts of kindness can brighten others’ lives and increase the giver’s serotonin, which is the hormone that contributes to feelings of happiness.

Invitation to make people feel Included

A few years ago, I reconnected with my high school math teacher. We had not seen each other in many years. During a visit to Kathu, she invited my mom and me to join a group of locals at her farm to sing Christmas carols. She treated us to a delicious home-cooked meal and shared inspiring words.

Since then, she has made it a priority to visit my mom whenever she is in town. Having lost her husband a few years ago, she understands what it feels like to be alone. She often invites my mother to the farm to sing along with others and even arranges transportation for her. It is her way of spreading joy and sharing love, ensuring that others feel seen and included.

Give help where it will make a difference

These days, technology allows many people to invest and trade online. Given the world’s unpredictable state, the markets can be volatile. Sometimes, investors win, and other times, they lose. My eldest son finds online trading particularly interesting and has helped me through his journey to become more informed about what is happening in the financial markets.

At one point before the American election, things were going well with his investments, and he made a good profit. Grateful for his success, he shared part of his earnings with people he believed needed it. I know he, for example, gave money to the local gas station attendant and a security guard. When I asked him about it, he explained, “Mom, I believe money should flow. I give it with love and find joy in seeing someone’s face light up with surprise.”

It is easy to brighten someone’s day

Each of us can brighten someone else’s day. We all possess unique gifts and opportunities to make a difference. Sometimes, it takes a little courage to step outside our comfort zones. The delight of watching someone’s expression shift to one of astonishment makes it all worthwhile.

It doesn’t always require grand gestures. Even a simple call, message, or visit can brighten someone’s day more than we realise. God sends messages through people and nature to brighten our days and lives.

Kind regards

Emsia

The long, cold winter months have encouraged us to pursue hobbies and personal projects. These activities offer an excellent escape when work pressures or the monotony of daily routines become overwhelming.

In South Africa, Charl always had a house or garden renovation project that filled the weekends with positive energy. Now, in Switzerland, where physical space is limited, he has turned to Lego. His office is already filled with various building projects, sparking interesting conversations.

What is a personal project?

A personal project focuses on satisfying your curiosity and deepening your understanding of a topic rather than solely on the final output. They emphasise exploration and enjoyment rather than the pursuit of fame. This approach allows experimentation, creativity, and growth without the pressure to impress anyone.

A personal project can be anything that allows you to express your ideas or interests, and the time it takes can vary greatly depending on the project. Some projects may even span several years!

Zander’s Grade 10 personal project

At Zander’s school, students had to complete a personal project in their Grade 10 year. They could choose any topic that aligned with their interests. The goal was to learn more about a subject that intrigued them. They had to deliver a product that demonstrated their newfound knowledge. Students had to maintain a detailed journal of their planning and progress. A report at the end of the project had to serve as a basis for their assessment.

Zander created a braille keyboard to enable blind individuals to use computers. He had to learn about braille and how to design the keyboard buttons on a software application before printing them on a 3D printer at school. This project expanded his technical skills and taught him the importance of project planning and the value of input from others.

There were challenges along the way, but the satisfaction on his face when he finally demonstrated the working keyboard made all the time and effort worthwhile.

My projects

My mom used to make our clothes and passed on some of her sewing skills to me as a young girl. I still remember my frustration and occasional outbursts when she made me unstitch incorrect seams. There was a valuable life lesson in that experience: the sooner you fix a mistake or solve a problem, the less impact it will have.

My projects often included designing and producing clothes during school and university vacations. I tackled making prince and soldier outfits for my young sons’ Cinderella school performance. It required long nights and hard work, especially when I had to unstitch many seams. Despite the challenges, it was immensely satisfying to create something from scratch.

Here in Switzerland, I started writing as a form of therapy. My first personal project was collecting my writings about our experiences in Switzerland into a blog. I had to learn a lot about the technology and processes. The project still brings me joy and is a valuable platform to stay in touch with friends and family.

It also allows me to pursue my passion for photography. After five years, I published my writings in an e-book with photos on Amazon. This initiative has brought new challenges and learning experiences. With personal projects, the true satisfaction lies in the creation process rather than the outcome.

Family members’ projects

My dad had a passion for cars and mechanics. He once bought an old car and renovated it mechanically and visually. My sister and I often helped with his projects, enjoying the progress as it unfolded. As toddlers, he built us a swing as one of his projects, which still stands in my mom’s garden. Although he died before meeting his grandchildren, they could enjoy the benefits of his handiwork.

My son Christo made garden furniture from wooden pallets while still in school. His technical drawing class helped him in the process. For his 18th birthday celebration, he arranged the furniture in our garden, and the lights strung in the trees created a festive atmosphere.

As a student, my son Jacques helped entrepreneurs with their marketing by taking photos and creating social media videos. He made good friends and learned a lot in the process. His skills became valuable when he started his business, a bakery with the name The Cinnamon Club.

Benefits of hobbies and personal projects

I have benefited from taking on hobbies and personal projects. I have learned new things and discovered more about myself. It provided a meaningful focus that enhanced my mental well-being during the European winter months. Often, the skills I gained became valuable in future situations. I have made new friends by connecting with others sharing similar interests and passions.

Completing a project, especially where I stretch myself or collaborate with others, brings immense satisfaction and boosts my confidence. The sense of achievement when I reach my desired outcome is rewarding.

I would love to hear about any hobbies or projects that have brought you joy and fulfilment.

Regards

Emsia