2021 - Letters Home

Are dandelions weeds, wildflowers or herbs?

18/05/2021 emsia.kruger

During spring in Switzerland, the fields are coloured yellow by the masses of dandelions visible everywhere. After only a few days, the yellow flowers turn into white round seed heads easily dispersed by the wind. When we look at dandelions, we can see weeds that are difficult to eradicate, beautiful wildflowers or precious herbs.

Beneficial medicinal properties

I have only recently become aware that dandelions have many beneficial medicinal properties, and herbalists see them as precious herbs. Dandelions are a rich source of vitamins A, B complex and C, minerals such as iron, potassium, and zinc.

In the northern hemisphere, people have used dandelions for healing since the 10th century. The Indian, traditional Chinese, and European herbalists used it for liver and gallbladder support and as an antidote to an upset stomach. Nowadays, scientists do studies to test their effectiveness in the prevention and treatment of cancer and to assist in reducing cholesterol.

Inspiration for healthy drinks

The plant is related to chicory, and people roast and use its roots as a caffeine-free substitute for coffee. They also use dried or fresh roots to make herbal tea with many health benefits. I read that the Americans use dandelion flowers to make wine and the British to make beer. I smiled at the comments that people drink it more for the health benefits than the taste.

Dandelions are an attraction for bees and other insects

Dandelions are rich in pollen and nectar and are a great attraction for bees and insects that flock to them and disappear into the calyxes of the yellow flowers. When you walk through a field of yellow flowers on a warm summer day, you hear the buzzing sound of bees collecting nectar.

Healthy feed for animals

The cows in Switzerland delight in the yellow flowers when you look at the contrast between their pasture and the area next door. Ideal cattle grazing should be like a ‘salad bowl’ of grasses and legumes for the cattle. Fortunately, plants that people consider to be weeds in their lawns, such as dandelions or clover, are very nutritious for cattle, and they enjoy them.

Legends and symbolic meaning

According to legend, if you can blow all the seeds off the dandelion bud with a single breath, then the person you love will love you too. If there are seeds left, the person you are in love with may have doubts about their feelings for you. This video by Emmy award-winning British photographer Neil Bromhall shows the transformation of the dandelion flower to the seed head, leaving me in awe.

Dandelions have many positive symbolic meanings. They represent perseverance and endurance to overcome the challenges that life throws at us. Dandelions adapt very well to their environments. They are often resistant to many herbicides and grow in different soil types.

I will hold on to the positive symbolic meaning of the golden yellow flowers in the times when life throws challenges my way.

regards

Emsia

South Africa in the Swiss news

11/05/2021 emsia.kruger

People’s reactions are interesting when I introduce myself as a South African in Switzerland. Those who have travelled to South Africa will comment on the beautiful scenery or the friendly people. Others whose impressions depend on the news carefully search for words. South Africa has been in the Swiss news during the past few months for various reasons.

Kruger coins

One of the lighter topics that made the news was about South African lost treasures. In a Swiss safe, they recently discovered a bag with gold Kruger coins placed there in World War II for safekeeping. After many decades, the coins are now available at the SA Mint. Charl is a coin collector and has started to collect Swiss coins to commemorate every year we are here in Switzerland.

South African billionaire Johann Rupert

South African billionaire Johann Rupert made headlines when he flew to Switzerland for a Covid-19 vaccine. Johann Rupert is a resident of Geneva, where his Swiss company, Richemont, is located. However, he drove to another canton to get the vaccination at a vaccination centre run by Hirslanden. Hirslanden is part of the South African Mediclinic group, of which the Rupert family’s Remgro company is one of the largest shareholders.

In a country like Switzerland, with many rules and fairness, his actions have been openly criticised in the newspapers. Swiss residents criticised him for travelling to a canton other than where he lived. In addition, he was not yet 75 years old, in line with the first grouping of vaccinations. He justified his actions in the newspaper by saying, “I’ve been in Switzerland for 31 years, and I pay my taxes and health insurance here”.

Bloomberg article with Headline - Billionaire Angers Swiss With Early Covid Shot

Daniel Liedtke, the CEO of the Hirslanden group, very carefully chose his words in his response to the newspapers. The article reads: “On 11 January, the Hirslanden Group carried out pilot vaccinations in the Münsterlingen Hospital with twelve test persons. In retrospect, we made mistakes in the considerations of the project. We had underestimated the symbolic power of vaccinating a wealthy patient. Rupert was entitled to an immediate vaccination because of his severe heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, and obesity. The consideration is more serious as the billionaire is a co-owner of the group, and this inevitably gave the impression that we had treated him privileged, continues Liedtke”.

Hirslanden is part of the South African Mediclinic group

Switzerland has good state-funded healthcare with high-quality medical services and infrastructure. The situation presents significant challenges to a private hospital group, such as Hirslanden in Switzerland, having South African owners. People question Hirslanden’s efforts to cooperate with the state to serve the needs of the whole community during the pandemic. We read the following in the newspapers:

“What drives the highly profitable and efficient hospital group to work together with inefficient and insufficiently financed public hospitals? Is there a pure pursuit of profit behind it? Do the unpopular South Africans want to make themselves indispensable or do they want to create goodwill and take the wind out of the critics’ sails? Probably all together.

The countries in which Mediclinic operates

Hirslanden plays a critical role in supporting Covid-19 mass testing, which is now free for everyone in Switzerland, regardless of symptoms. According to the government, this is a significant step in managing the pandemic. Feel free to read more about this on the Hirslanden blog, where there is a photo of Charl. Several vaccination centres have also been allocated to Hirslanden to manage on behalf of the cantons.

Regards

Emsia

The Heart vs Mind battle of a mom

04/05/2021 emsia.kruger

The mother role is one that I wanted with all my heart. However, it confronted me like a mirror of my weaknesses. From the moment dependent little fingers wrap around yours, a mother’s heart and mind are in conflict. The feeling and the knowing rarely agree. I suspect this is an eternal struggle.

With each birth, it feels as if an entire room full of fragile emotions is unlocked. The feeling that your heart is suddenly sitting outside your body and that you are also carrying your children’s experiences and feelings makes you very vulnerable. This feeling is the heart of a mom. From the start, you understand the significant responsibility that accompanies the role. After all, God has entrusted them to you. You must help them prepare to live out their purpose in the world. This understanding is the mind of a mom.

A baby in his mother's arms immediately after birth

At first, you feel overwhelmed by all the emotion and responsibility. Your kids need you, and they make it clear. You need to plan carefully to meet everyone’s needs and requirements. Your biggest wish is for some time of your own. It changes faster than you can imagine. They let go, take care of themselves, and suddenly you have too much time on your own.

Your mind confirms it is good that they become independent, take responsibility, and learn to stand on their own feet. However, your heart wishes in selfishness that you are still needed. As a mother, it takes a lot of wisdom and emotional maturity to let go in the right way and at the right time.

Letting go – adolescence

There are three significant milestones when a mother must let go of her children. The first time is when they become adolescents. The hormones kick in, and they need privacy. They start closing doors, and deodorant smells hang in the house if you are lucky. They spend a lot of time behind closed doors and prefer their friends’ company and activities over yours. I can still hear Christo with his regular, “Privacy Mom!”

Letting go – leaving the nest

The second time a mom must let go is when her children leave the nest. It is a significant loss, but a mom gains more peace and tranquillity in the home. The conflict between their will and respect for the rest of the family intensifies towards the end. They need to prove to themselves that they are able. Consequently, they discover and try new things and do more activities independently.

Sometimes they still need your problem-solving skills when a crisis gets out of hand. Their contact with you is on their terms. They do not necessarily want to listen to your advice or opinions, but your children always need a mother who listens with love and understanding.

Time passes, and one day you realise your child has turned into a friend. They have new ideas and informed opinions and start sharing wisdom. You have more time for yourself and your passions and interests. If you are lucky, some of these passions and interests are shared, and you and your child discover together and exchange experiences and information.

Letting go – life partner

The third time you need to let them go is when they choose a life partner. The choice of a partner is theirs, but their choice of person has a significant impact on the relationship between you and your child going forward. If things work out positively, their choice causes you to become richer in relationships.

Maybe you are blessed with grandchildren. Your cup of happiness overflows, but the whole conflict between a grandmother’s heart and mind starts over again. You think with gratitude, “Now they will finally understand how much I love them!”

Regards

Emsia

The smell of spring in Switzerland

14/04/2021 emsia.kruger

Nature is changing fast. It is our second spring in Switzerland. However, it feels like a first. Last year, our minds were so preoccupied with Covid and adapting to all the new rules that we did not fully appreciate nature’s awakening and change.

Of all things, I most enjoy the positive energy I can hear, see, and feel. I believe the people in countries with intense winters have a much greater appreciation for spring and the sun. They enjoy sitting on benches everywhere in nature with their eyes closed and faces turned to the sun. There is reverence in the silence with which they do so.

Benefits of snow

Once the snow melts, the world is green. The snow acts as an insulator and helps to retain moisture in the soil during the winter. It systematically releases water into the earth as it melts in the spring. Without the protection of snow, cold temperatures freeze the ground and damage the root systems of shrubs and trees. It also contains valuable nutrients such as nitrogen. I read that after a harsh winter, the roses bloom better, and fruit trees bear more fruit. Some bulbs, such as daffodils and tulips, need the snow and cool-down period to bloom.

Frick – The smell of cherry blossoms

We took advantage of our first sunny weather and went for a cherry blossom walk at Frick, a famous cherry region in Switzerland. The smell of blossoms hung in the air. The pink and white trees against the green background with speckles of yellow wildflowers created a picture to remember. In Japan, cherry blossoms have symbolic significance in terms of renewal and the fleeting nature of life. By the end of June, the various cherries, with shades ranging from light red to black, ripen, and people celebrate the season with cherry festivals.

Easter – the smell of chocolates and roses

In South Africa, we are used to celebrating Easter during autumn.
Easter in the Northern Hemisphere during spring has a very different atmosphere. There is a much greater emphasis on awakening and new life. The people hang Easter egg decorations on their trees among the blossoms, emphasizing this concept.

I am fascinated by the large variety of chocolate Easter bunnies available before Easter. We visited the Lindt factory shop a week before Easter and had to wait our turn in a queue in front of the shop. Easter bunnies make excellent corporate gifts, and Zander was happy about the cute Easter bunnies that arrived at our house unexpectedly.

I was impressed with the Reformed churches in Zurich’s Easter creativity. With Covid limitations, they had to think of other ways to convey their message. They decorated seven fountains with roses. The fountains were a symbol of new life. The roses were a sign of the joy that brings colour into the darkness of the present situation. It made an impression and attracted many visitors.

Animal life

In nature, it is also visible that animal life is getting ready for a new season. The red kite birds circle over the freshly ploughed fields looking for something to eat. The squirrels run up and down the trees while the birds sit merrily in the branches and sing. I came across two young deer in the forest, and we were equally surprised to see each other. We were excited when we saw a swan on her eggs at the lake.

The swans on the lake are something we have only seen in children’s storybooks before.

Kind regards

Emsia

Cooking with love inspired by my son

06/04/2021 emsia.kruger

Years ago, our Italian colleague remarked during lunch, “I can taste they have not prepared the food with love.” At that point, any food prepared by someone else was delicious, even canteen food. I needed time to comprehend his remark.

I had limited cooking time with a career, household and three children to drive around. With a vegetarian husband and carnivorous sons, cooking was in my “get-it-done” category. I suspect not much love ended up in my one-pot dishes.

When my sons left the nest, their cooking skills were limited to fried eggs, flapjacks, and barbecuing. Jacques values healthy living, and with a limited budget, he had to depend on his cooking skills after school. Soon we were impressed with his creativity in the kitchen.

Jacques’ business – The Cinnamon Club

Jacques Kruger's words about his business, The Cinnamon Club

Jacques was part of the Kruger household for a long time during the Covid confinement. He offered to take responsibility for the household’s main meal, which he had to finish by a specific time in the evening. He was obligated to consider all the relevant food allergies and harness his creativity. In the process, he discovered that a vegan lifestyle overcomes most food allergies.

After completing his business degree, Jacques decided to focus on his love and passion for cooking and baking with plant-based products. He likes to experiment with various herbs and spices. He used to add a bit of cinnamon to all his creations, and this habit inspired his business name, The Cinnamon Club. Please look at his beautifully presented vegan and gluten-free cakes on his web page – The Cinnamon Club.

My cooking inspiration

Jacques, meanwhile, inspired me to be more creative with cooking. Every week I try a recipe from another country with all the right ingredients, herbs and spices. I make a point of identifying the country the different items originate. With the peeling and preparation of the dishes, I appreciate the uniqueness and perfection of the fresh produce.

We live between the farms and can buy farm-fresh produce. We get fresh milk at the dairy near our house. In spring and summer, they also make strawberries, raspberries, cherries, and other types of fruit available in the fridge next to the road. Contrary to what we are used to, farm products here are slightly more expensive than in the shops because they are fresh from the farm.

Baking bread

It is easy to seduce Charl with bread, and he likes to bake it himself. When our German language skills have improved, we would like to participate in a bread-baking course. Charl still has a dream of owning a bakery in the future. In the meantime, I spoil him with the large selection of bread available at the local bakery.

The German-speaking countries are known for their fermented products. One of Charl’s colleagues, Stefanie, spoiled us with bottles of pickled vegetables and pickled red onions. She grows her herbs with which she pickles them. The fragrances are heavenly and an excellent gift made with love. Stefanie promised to send me some of her pickled pumpkins with vanilla in the fall. I am very much looking forward to seeing and tasting it.

I have come a long way in the kitchen with inspiration from various places. However, I now understand what Gaetano meant by “One can taste when someone prepared food with love.”

Regards

Emsia

The various colours of truth

29/03/2021 emsia.kruger

Colour is powerful. It has an impact on our moods and emotions and inspires our decision-making. Our frame of reference determines whether a specific colour has a positive or a negative association. Colour also leaves us with question marks when we see something that looks different than expected.

Orange sky in Switzerland

During February, we noticed how the sky here in Switzerland changed from the usual white, blue and grey into the most beautiful orange. The phenomenon kept us guessing and reminded me of the orange desert sunsets in the Kalahari. The newspaper confirmed that sand is also the reason for the orange sky. Desert sand blows from the northern parts of Africa, such as Mauritania, Mali, and Algeria, to Europe. The sand acts as a lens, changing the colour of the sky.

In science, we learn that a prism lens can refract white light in different colours. Truth, just like light, can also be refracted into different colours. My colour of truth, positive or negative, depends on my lens – my perspective.

Easter weekend message about Colours of Truth

One Easter weekend years ago, I received a needed message about colours of truth. Alone and in the middle of a divorce, I went to church. The theme of the sermon was Colours of Truth. The pastor explained how the first four books of the New Testament of the Bible are all about Jesus’ life. He highlighted the different perspectives and focuses of each of the four books and attributed them to the four authors’ views. I walked away that morning, understanding that my lens determines the colour of my truth. It was a valuable lesson.

Perspectives on South African history

Our teenager, shaping his perspectives, recently reminded me of the colours of truth. On 16 December last year, Zander asked why his friends in South Africa celebrate a public holiday. I explained that during the Battle of Blood River, the Voortrekkers made a vow to God that if He gave them victory over the Zulu forces of Dingaan, they would commemorate the day as an annual day of vows. After the 1994 election, this public holiday was renamed the Day of Reconciliation to consider all perspectives.

Recently, Zander had to do a biographical oral about an important person in history. He chose the life of Nelson Mandela. In preparation, Zander read a book providing a good summary of South African history. Emotionally, he shared with me his perspective on the Battle of Blood River.

“The Boers moved through the land of the Zulus and wanted to take some of the Zulus as slaves. This situation caused the conflict. The Zulus tried to defend themselves and had only spears as weapons. The Boers had guns and could hide behind their ox carts. Many Zulus and only a few Boers died that day. It is very unfair and sad. Why do we celebrate this day of vows? Surely the Zulus must have prayed too?”

Zander had a different perspective from the one I learned in school during Apartheid.

My colour of truth, positive or negative, depends on the lens through which I look. My colour of truth has an impact on my mood and my emotions. It inspires my decision-making. Colour is powerful. Situations often remind me of how important it is for me to revisit my lenses before judging or acting.

Kind regards

Emsia

Flowers for my mom at Keukenhof

22/03/2021 emsia.kruger

My image of my mom is a large bed full of brightly coloured flowers. Her lovely garden is her playground but also her hiding place. She shows her love with flowers. As a schoolgirl, she spoiled me on my birthday with roses from her garden. There is always a bunch of flowers in our rooms when we visit. I was very excited when the opportunity arose five years ago to show my mother the most beautiful spring garden in the world, Keukenhof.

Excitement and distress

I could not wait to share the news with her. Her excitement was as great as her distress. At age 71, she had never been overseas. Glimpses of Keukenhof on television were sufficient motivation for her to apply for a passport. She also bought a warm jacket and knitted a blue beanie.
My mother and I flew via Dubai and met Charl in Amsterdam. We enjoyed the different meals and wide selection of music and movies on the plane. She surrendered to the experience and ran when necessary to catch the connecting flight.

Our stay in Leiden was perfect

Our stay in Leiden was perfect. The bed-and-breakfast lady was a retired psychologist about my mother’s age. Because Dutch and Afrikaans are so close, we communicated and understood each other in our languages. Our hostess spoiled us with various Dutch delicacies. Every morning there was another homemade surprise, fresh from the oven, for breakfast. The language and culture of the Dutch programs on television amused us.

Amsterdam, Zaanse Schans and Delft factory

We planned our Keukenhof visit for later in the week. Meanwhile, we explored Amsterdam on foot and admired the people, thousands of bicycles, and historic buildings. When our legs became tired, we viewed the city from one of the boats on the canals. We visited the Zaanse Schans and saw windmills, craft shops and museums. At the Delft factory, they made the most beautiful hand-painted blue Delft crockery.

Tulip fields

The day before our Keukenhof excursion, we drove around between the tulip farms and admired the rows of colour. Sometimes we got out of the car to take a closer look and experience the wonderful smell of the masses of flowers. The image of the flower fields was my picture of heaven. We were amazed at the golden yellow Daffodils that emerged like wildflowers everywhere.

Keukenhof

Keukenhof was more than I expected. It was satisfactory to see the amazement in my mom’s eyes, and it was precious to experience her joyfulness. We were amazed by the many exhibits, colourful tulip varieties and other flowers. When Charl later noticed that we had walked more than 10km, my mom remarked in surprise, Hey, I did not even know I could walk that far!

This year we were hoping to visit Keukenhof for a second time. Keukenhof receives more than a million visitors a year. Keukenhof was ready to open on 20 March 2021 and started selling tickets online. However, the government informed them that the current Covid conditions did not yet allow them to open, even though their gardens are ready. Covid numbers in Europe are rising again, indicating the third wave. Fortunately, Keukenhof displayed their gardens virtually on social media. I, therefore, start every day with a quick visit to Keukenhof!

I wish I could surprise my mother with an unexpected visit and flowers. However, I am now limited to the tulip photos I send her via WhatsApp. Fortunately, I know from experience that out of the blue-opportunities do sometimes arise.

Kind regards

Emsia

Road trip to Journey in a foreign country

16/03/2021 emsia.kruger

Sometimes when we plan our road trips, God has Journeys of a different nature in mind for us. I will remember this past winter. Dalene and my paths crossed under strange circumstances in Europe during Covid times. I learned so much from her during the short time that I had a better view of her path. Let me share the story.

Spring is in the air in Mossel Bay! Dalene is excitedly planning their road trip when Burger comes home in a few days. He worked as a doctor in several African countries for 15 years. Distance is part of their reality, but these six months caused by Covid were particularly long. He comes home for six weeks to have fun, scenic drives and enjoy a barbecue every night. They can breathe for the first time in five years after the fatal car accident of Sumaré, their youngest daughter, a first-year student.

Burger and Dalene next to a map of Africa

The cell phone rings. The message devastates Dalene. Burger has had a severe stroke in desert-like Mauritania in Africa, his current workplace!
The phone call kicked off their unplanned individual and joined emotional journeys in Covid times with very restrictive measures.

An ambulance transported Burger by desert road to the capital, Nouakchott. From there, he flew by ambulance plane to Frankfurt, Germany. In Frankfurt, doctors performed an emergency operation to remove part of his skull to allow the swelling in the brain. Dalene resigns from her 21-year job and arranges to fly to Germany for an uncertain and indefinite period.

A map of the flight between Mauritania and Frankfurt

Germany

Upon her arrival in Frankfurt, hospital staff members informed her that she could not see her husband in the ICU due to Covid. Daily feedback was limited to “critical but stable”. After two weeks, the doctors transferred him to the neurological Schmieder Clinic in Allensbach, Germany. After another three days of waiting for Covid test results, she could finally see her husband. However, she could only see him for three days a week and two hours at a time. For the remainder of the time, it was just her and her thoughts in a guest house room. The environment was getting darker and colder as winter approached.

Their family and friends are worried and trying to reach out to South Africans who could help provide support. I was close enough to travel by train, and our and the Prinsloo’s paths crossed. Once a week, Dalene and I travelled by train to Konstanz, a village on the German side close to the Swiss border. It was cold outside, and restaurants in Germany have been closed due to Covid. We walked across the border to Switzerland and got to know each other over a hot cup of coffee in a Swiss shopping centre.

Dalene and Emsia on the border between Germany and Switzerland

Zurich, Switzerland

It became critical for the doctors to put back the part of Burger’s skull, temporarily stored in his stomach. Due to unavailable ICU wards in Germany, they identified a neurosurgeon in Zurich. The Swiss doctor had to operate on Christmas Eve, depending on the availability of an ICU bed. Burger would be transported to Zurich by ambulance on 23 December, and we would pick up Dalene by car. The ICU was unavailable, but for the first time in 10 months, they could spend unlimited time together on the 24th and Christmas Day.

The operation took place a day before the neurosurgeon left on holiday. The procedure was a success, but Covid rules were stricter. Many arrangements, letters and Covid tests later, Dalene returned to Germany in an ambulance with Burger. That was the last time I saw Dalene. After another two months, during which she could only see him for one hour a week, she excitedly informed me that they were flying to South Africa in early March for further rehabilitation there.

Burger and Dalene’s challenging situation, which they tackled with so much hope, faith, and love, impacted the lenses through which I look at life and privileges significantly. Covid circumstances are difficult for all of us. However, there are levels of difficulty. One example of this is an unexpected call to inform us that it is time for a journey instead of a road trip.

In memory of the strange times, I created a photo video.

Kind regards

Emsia

The rythm of seasons creates trust

15/03/2021 emsia.kruger

With spring becoming visible in nature, I experience a sense of excitement and new zest for life. The winter was long, cold, and sometimes alone as the weather made it difficult to get out of the house. The longer and warmer days and signs of new life in nature give me hope.

Childhood experience of seasons

Seasons have always made a big impact on me. As a child, it was simply the excitement and new opportunities that each season brings when you start to get bored of the same routine, clothes, and food. The Kalahari winters are short, but I remember hearty stew, soup, or pie in the cold evenings. After school we sat in the sun while my mother peeled oranges for us. The world was dry and dull.

The summers were long and hot, and we spent our available time at the town pool. Shoulder seasons were short, but I remember looking forward to the new dress my mom made for us to wear to school on September 1st. We wore our new dresses shivering but with pride.

Adult experience of seasons

With age and realities of life, seasons have taken on new meaning for me. Seasons that arrive on time, is the one certainty I can hold on to no matter how confused the world feels. This confirms there is a Creator who is in control. In the Western Cape, Autumn arrives during Easter weekend. It is the most beautiful picture when the vine leaves turn to shades of yellow and rust brown and the mountains turn a darker blue. There is something comforting about winter rains that envelop you like a soft blanket. However, after weeks of sitting under the blanket, one gets bored of being indoors and wants to feel the sun on your skin.

Over time, my understanding of the metaphorical meaning of seasons improved. The rhythm and balance of seasons as well as the important role of each of the four seasons, took on more meaning. My children’s trees of life are forming blossoms and new leaves and getting ready to bear fruit here on earth. Every morning the pains in different places in my body remind me that my tree of life, which is currently in autumn, is getting ready for winter.

Positive experience of winter

With the help of seasons, I can see winter and its role in a more positive light. In our winter seasons, we have the time and wisdom to provide support to those in need during various other seasons in their lives. For the first time in my life, I experienced a white winter. The silence and beauty of the crisp white snow took my breath away. I share the visual experience below.

Regardless of the season in nature, that is different between the northern and southern hemispheres, we all experience winter with Covid-19 restrictions. We all hope for Spring. One of our gardeners put it so beautifully: “At the end of winter it seems as if the Master turns on nature and everything suddenly starts to grow at the same time!” I enjoy every new leaf and bud outside and get carried away when I take pictures. I am going to be aware and excited about the growth that is going to take place with us as humans after the winter period, worldwide.

Kind regards

Emsia

What I learn from my children

02/03/2021 emsia.kruger

Both Jacques and Christo were born on the first Friday in March. Jacques came into the world 22 years ago and took his time in his calm way. Christo arrived two years later, but due to his nature he could not wait to start his life. Three weeks before his expected date, he gave urgent notice, and I rushed to hospital with my car’s hazards on. Motherhood has meanwhile taught me valuable lessons.

Parenting is an incredible privilege. In my experience, becoming a mother was not as easy as everyone warned me during my teenage years. The role is also not as easy as it seemed when I was a teenager!

My parents love me infinitely. I only understood this the day I became a mom and felt like I was carrying my heart fragile and exposed outside my body. When I think back on my years as a teenager, there are many opportunities, situations, and words with my own parents that I wish I had handled differently. Fortunately, I now know from experience that a mother’s love for her children is patient and endures a lot.

Every human being is created uniquely. I realized this when I tried to apply my parenting lessons learned with Jacques, to Christo and Zander. Each branch of the family tree grows in its own direction to get its own sunlight and serve its own purpose. It is necessary for balance. One may never compare two people, especially children.

The Miracle of Life. It is amazing how a person develops from two cells within nine months and transforms into an independent young adult within a few years.

Do not judge other people’s parenting. In an Afrikaans expression we refer to young children as green wheat. Your own green wheat is going to give other people a lot of opportunity to judge you. In summer, the wheat is literally green on the fields around us. Sometimes a bright red poppy grows among the green wheat and it reminds me of Dr Seuss’ wisdom of “Why fit in when you were born to stand out”. It is especially these red poppies that give people reason to judge!

Parenting is an opportunity for personal growth. With each child I learn new things and must overcome new challenges in the circumstances, but also in myself. Each of my children challenges me in different ways. I learn about setting boundaries, negotiating, and being directly confronted with my own weaknesses. Sometimes I am guilty of unnecessary haste. I remember a specific occasion when a six-year-old Jacques said to me, “That’s right Mom. I will hurry, but why should we hurry if it is Sunday and we are just on our way to the beach?”

Amid many parenting challenges, the relationship with your child is the most important. I learned the hard way that conflict is part of the role, but that I must deal with the conflict in a respectful way so that the relationship does not suffer. I also learned that just like with a crisis, I need to make optimal use of a conflict situation for mutual understanding and growth in the relationship.

Each of our children grows up in his own circumstances. Everyone has their own challenges and lessons to learn. “In my day we did it that way”, are not words that help. Zander and Jacques are almost ten years apart and it is amazing to see how many things have changed in ten years that cause their growing up circumstances to differ in many ways.

I still have a lot to learn. Ever since your children were born, you have come to know the changing world through their eyes. I must work hard to keep up. Jacques and Christo worked on my music knowledge on the way to school and Zander has now taken over. Social media has created a whole new set of opportunities and challenges.

Parenting is not a journey that you can tackle alone. We need to be open to different inputs to help our children become balanced adults. When children suddenly grow up in two different homes, there are inevitably different views, challenges, and parenting styles. Parents and stepparents along with wonderful other adults like grandparents, family, teachers, and everyone who crosses their path help them find their way.

I am grateful for every person who play a role in my children’s lives!

Kind regards

Emsia